My first impression also was 'substance abuse.' She sounds like one of those rich coke-heads from the 80s. Plus it's weird that she has so much money but lives on a dangerous street (gentrification?)

And it sounds like, altho the two always 'shared a large circle of friends' LW is feeling slighted now that there are new people in the group she has to share her friend with. Regardless -- Friend is now acting rude and inconsiderate, whereas she never did before.

Then there's the part about how supportive Friend was -- letting LW crash at her house while she got set up with new job and apt, etc. THAT is a big thing, and LW could have unknowingly stepped on some toes there.

So -- either Friend is annoyed tht LW is being too clingy, or Friend has a problem -- or not.

LW could try writing a humble email to Friend along the lines of "Is everything ok? It seems weird that ..." just in case some stuff could be worked out.

I agree with other posters that even if this friendship goes into hibernation for a while -- years or even decades -- LW and Friend will be life-long friends and come to really appreciate each other in later yrs, almost more like sisters than friends.

I also wondered about possible substance abuse problems maybe having something to do with the friends changes. When I went through my insane 30s, when I dealt with my alcholism, I was that way - liked lots of people around, was flaky on appointments - possibly because I didn't remember what I had promised. In my case, my old friends saw what was happening and promptly bailed. LW sounds like she's getting fed up with her friend, but, until she decides to walk away, she might want to talk to Mary about the changes she's observing.

Lots of good advice here, I think.

People do what they want to do. If she wanted to have one-on-one time with you, she would. If she wanted to leave plans in your hands, she would. She doesn't want those things, for whatever reasons. Out of self-respect I think you need to work on detaching your emotional investment in this woman. If Cary's "fixing it" helps, that would be great. Out of wishing not to waste your time and effort, I would quit trying to make plans with her in mind. Make your plans and if you feel like it, invite her along. If she invites you to something and you feel like going, go. But don't count on her, and don't think she's going to come around and want your closeness again, at least not for the time being.

This doesn't have to be an ex-friendship, but it could be a casual friendship. That's okay - friendships change and there are many other people in the world. There's always one person for whom the change is more difficult, and that's you. But it will be fine. Just let it finish evolving. No confrontation is needed.

Other people complained about the same thing about her. We told her how we felt. She figured out how to prioritize her friendships, and I figured out how to enjoy aspects of her hyper-social activity. As another poster mentioned, she's a hub. Hubs are great people to meet when you're new in town.

Since moving back to my hometown last year just a few years shy of 30, I began to hang out with a childhood friend. She was my go-to gal and we went out every weekend. When it was just the two of us, I had a blast. But at the bar, even with mutual high school buddies, she was SO awkward. At first, I stayed by her side every weekend for six months, but eventually I became irritated when her social insecurities started making other friends uncomfortable.

I admit that I did not handle this appropriately. I feel guilty that I started to be embarrassed by her. I stopped inviting her to everything and didn't call her back sometimes on Friday afternoon. I canceled our plans rather than invite her when something more exciting came up. I lied and said I didn't go out once or twice when I had. I forgot her birthday. I was an a-hole.

BUT, I never acted like this chick. I never acted as if my time was more valuable. Because basically that seems to be what LW's friend is saying: "My time is more valuable than yours. My friends and decisions are more important than yours. You do not even need to be consulted; you are lucky I included you." I may have been a crappy friend, but I was still a friend, which means you care about someone and don't marginalize their existence.

I agree with LW that something is amiss with this girl. She may be unhappy or jealous, but she may have adopted priorities LW just doesn't share. She clearly values her social network very highly and the people around her are probably similar in their behavior. Some people like to plan two weeks ahead and others call you on their way out the door. However, her complete disregard for LW goes way beyond last-minute planning. I can't help but wonder if this friend is trying to send you a message you are not receiving.

You're maturing faster than Mary. Good for you. Go, grow, be your own person.

Part of being bored with her party, controlling, drama queen Need-to-be0the-center-of-everything lifestyle is realizing you don't NEED those people's undivided devotion to feel fulfilled anymore. You life is fuller than drinking, trawling, gossiping.

It's a natural eveolving from the clique and drink days of college.

The friend doesn't seem so bad to me. She let the LW stay with her repeatedly to help her out - no charge. She bankrolls fun times for her friends, she likes to be out with a group of friends, she likes to spend her money the way she wants.

It does sound like the friend may have a substance abuse problem, but the LW doesn't seem concerned with that. My reading of the letter makes me feel like the LW is no fun to be around. The friend invites others along so that the events will be fun - she likes the LW, but doesn't want to hang out with her solo. The rest of the stuff cited by the LW - unapologetic tardiness mostly - could be a response to the LW's behavior and judgment - canceling at the last minute, lying about having "other plans" when the friend doesn't call to say who else she is bringing, refusing to accept fun "charity", and being rigid and obsessively unspontaneous about plans.

There are a lot of self-absorbed, rude people out there. Most people actually. And it seems that both the LW and her friend fall into this category. Both want to set the terms of their interaction, and take opposing views on what the interaction should involve. Ultimately, the letter sounds as though the LW doesn't like this friend at all, so what is her question?