You're maturing faster than Mary. Good for you. Go, grow, be your own person.

Part of being bored with her party, controlling, drama queen Need-to-be0the-center-of-everything lifestyle is realizing you don't NEED those people's undivided devotion to feel fulfilled anymore. You life is fuller than drinking, trawling, gossiping.

It's a natural eveolving from the clique and drink days of college.

Since moving back to my hometown last year just a few years shy of 30, I began to hang out with a childhood friend. She was my go-to gal and we went out every weekend. When it was just the two of us, I had a blast. But at the bar, even with mutual high school buddies, she was SO awkward. At first, I stayed by her side every weekend for six months, but eventually I became irritated when her social insecurities started making other friends uncomfortable.

I admit that I did not handle this appropriately. I feel guilty that I started to be embarrassed by her. I stopped inviting her to everything and didn't call her back sometimes on Friday afternoon. I canceled our plans rather than invite her when something more exciting came up. I lied and said I didn't go out once or twice when I had. I forgot her birthday. I was an a-hole.

BUT, I never acted like this chick. I never acted as if my time was more valuable. Because basically that seems to be what LW's friend is saying: "My time is more valuable than yours. My friends and decisions are more important than yours. You do not even need to be consulted; you are lucky I included you." I may have been a crappy friend, but I was still a friend, which means you care about someone and don't marginalize their existence.

I agree with LW that something is amiss with this girl. She may be unhappy or jealous, but she may have adopted priorities LW just doesn't share. She clearly values her social network very highly and the people around her are probably similar in their behavior. Some people like to plan two weeks ahead and others call you on their way out the door. However, her complete disregard for LW goes way beyond last-minute planning. I can't help but wonder if this friend is trying to send you a message you are not receiving.

Other people complained about the same thing about her. We told her how we felt. She figured out how to prioritize her friendships, and I figured out how to enjoy aspects of her hyper-social activity. As another poster mentioned, she's a hub. Hubs are great people to meet when you're new in town.

Lots of good advice here, I think.

People do what they want to do. If she wanted to have one-on-one time with you, she would. If she wanted to leave plans in your hands, she would. She doesn't want those things, for whatever reasons. Out of self-respect I think you need to work on detaching your emotional investment in this woman. If Cary's "fixing it" helps, that would be great. Out of wishing not to waste your time and effort, I would quit trying to make plans with her in mind. Make your plans and if you feel like it, invite her along. If she invites you to something and you feel like going, go. But don't count on her, and don't think she's going to come around and want your closeness again, at least not for the time being.

This doesn't have to be an ex-friendship, but it could be a casual friendship. That's okay - friendships change and there are many other people in the world. There's always one person for whom the change is more difficult, and that's you. But it will be fine. Just let it finish evolving. No confrontation is needed.

I also wondered about possible substance abuse problems maybe having something to do with the friends changes. When I went through my insane 30s, when I dealt with my alcholism, I was that way - liked lots of people around, was flaky on appointments - possibly because I didn't remember what I had promised. In my case, my old friends saw what was happening and promptly bailed. LW sounds like she's getting fed up with her friend, but, until she decides to walk away, she might want to talk to Mary about the changes she's observing.

My first impression also was 'substance abuse.' She sounds like one of those rich coke-heads from the 80s. Plus it's weird that she has so much money but lives on a dangerous street (gentrification?)

And it sounds like, altho the two always 'shared a large circle of friends' LW is feeling slighted now that there are new people in the group she has to share her friend with. Regardless -- Friend is now acting rude and inconsiderate, whereas she never did before.

Then there's the part about how supportive Friend was -- letting LW crash at her house while she got set up with new job and apt, etc. THAT is a big thing, and LW could have unknowingly stepped on some toes there.

So -- either Friend is annoyed tht LW is being too clingy, or Friend has a problem -- or not.

LW could try writing a humble email to Friend along the lines of "Is everything ok? It seems weird that ..." just in case some stuff could be worked out.

I agree with other posters that even if this friendship goes into hibernation for a while -- years or even decades -- LW and Friend will be life-long friends and come to really appreciate each other in later yrs, almost more like sisters than friends.

I'm not quite 40, but I agree with the 40-something "in the woods" -- these things circle back on themselves if they are meant to.

I have a friend who, by chance, shares my name. I've known her since the summer I was 14 (and she was 13). We were friends through high school, friends through college (even though we were in different states) and then, somewhere around age 24, we had a big blowout and didn't speak for five years. Since then, we've come in and out of a close friendship, with some times apart, mainly due -- as others mentioned --to the fact that I got married and had kids while she remains single. We have a lot of Issues in our friendship and I don't think we have resolved them yet, but even if we have several more times of drifting apart over the next decade(s), she's one of those I'm fairly certain will be around as my friend the summer I'm 74 (and she's 73).

I have another friend who was my dearest friend and, yes, drinking buddy, through college, and well after college (during those five years my other friend and I were not speaking). About 4 years ago, she moved away and for whatever reason we don't communicate at all, any more. I miss her terribly, but it's clear I've been "dumped." (She , also, is unmarried & without kids -- I don't know if this is related, but she didn't even come to my wedding!!! She was "too broke"!!). I have dreams about her regularly and her influence on my life is still palpable, today. I dearly hope this friend circles back into my life because I love her. Maybe I should reach out to her and say so. Hmm.

I have a third friend I met 15 years ago right out of college who has remained steadfast and likewise in all the time since then (even though she, too, by golly, is single and has no kids).

As "in the woods" said, part of the beauty of friendship is the ebb-and-flow of it. I am so thankful for my friends, and for my female friends, who are there (or not) through the ups and downs of romantic relationships. I know it hurts to lose a friend, or to feel she is lost, but really -- you might not have lost her. Give her some space. Accept what she offers for now and who knows what happens in a few years. Friendships are not static; relationships are not static.

(I would, however, suggest that you find a tactful and polite way to tell her how you feel, even if you're sure she will deny there is a problem. It's good to have the Official Complaint out there, just for the record, right?)