Mary sounds fun.

LW sounds jealous. She seems jealous that Mary has this fabulous lifestyle (money, friends, career) that she doesn't share. Mary's life-style threatens her perception of her self. She needs to work on her own issues and quit bitching about what someone else is doing. She can't control Mary and how Mary lives Mary's life is none of her business.

She also seems jealous that Mary wants to spend so much time with other people. Mary's friends threaten Mary's relationship with her. Mary clearly cares about LW though, and has been very supportive. I don't really know how someone gets over this kind of jealousy, but I do know that trying to control the other person and constantly complaining about the other person's friends is deeply unattractive.

In a romantic relationship, I'd call the jealous person a hopeless loser and tell the object of the jealousy to dump him/her.

If I were Mary, I would not want to continue to spend time with LW. If LW can't be a positive presence in Mary's life, LW needs to find friends who can share more time and interests with LW.

It's a loss. Time for both of them to grieve it and move on.

I did what Cary said and she sent me the nastiest email back. Everything I had told her in confidence was flayed open with a side of 'i hate you'. Mostly, she was snubbing me because I was 'constantly insulting her' for years and she could 'never trust or like me'.

Good luck....this sucks.

I, like Arya Stark and other LWs, have been in a similar situation, and, 4 years after my friend breakup, still think about her and find the situation very sad. We were best friends in high school--you know, the inseparable kind. She was the first person whom I felt really understood by. I loved her. We remained close for a few years in college, even though we were in separate states.

I'm not entirely sure when things started to change, but the final straw was when I asked her to be my maid of honor, and she really didn't care less about being there for me. I get that being in a wedding is a pain in the ass for the most part, but I also believe that being asked is an honor--if a woman asks people for the right reasons, it's one woman telling another that she's really important to her and wants her to stand beside her on a very important day. And I think that you should do your best to make that person feel special and loved.

I tried to talk to her about it, but she denied her reluctance to be in the party, even though my other girlfriends (who went above and beyond) told me after wards that she didn't do much at all to help with anything.

Part of me wishes I were able to just get over her selfishness (my wedding was one of many examples of this) and be friends with her to some extent. But doing that feels to me as difficult as being friends with an ex-boyfriend who broke my heart. How can you go from being so special to one another to just being someone you see occasionally but don't really take the time to care about? For me, I couldn't. I still mourn the loss, though.

I also agree with an earlier poster who wrote that the 30s are a great time for career advancement but a lousy time for a social/ personal life.

My career has gone really well throughout the decade of my 30s, but the workplace has become a much lonelier place, as so many of my female friends have dropped out to have children. I no longer have women (my age, at least) with whom I can commiserate about the frustrations of office life. That is something that men don't have to deal with, as the grand majority of men stay in the workplace even after having kids.

is what Friend seems to be. Substance abuse does come to mind (been there, hope I wasn't that bad), but it might just be screaming insecurity and a different definition of "friend."

The part that's most troubling to me is that Friend bankrolls so much. Yes, it's generous, but it's also off-putting. There's an unwillingness to adapt to other's circumstances that feels really selfish and controlling here. Is she helping out friends in need or casting a movie?

From the perspective of 50+, friends come and go over time. It's hard to give up an OLD friend, because you can't get any more of them -- you can always make new friends, but old friends, folks who knew you when, well, there's no substitute. Sometimes, though, even old friends aren't good to be around any more.

I like Cary's advice very much. Especially the part that says "Just look clearly at this person." One doesn't need to judge, or react, or buy her movie. One just needs to look.

And then actions will be much easier to take (which doesn't equate to non-painful).

Good luck.

You will always have memories, but the more they are not supplemented by current experiences, the weaker the friendship will be, inevitably. It's almost worse because now, you are close, and Mary clearly sees you as no different from the rest of her newer friends, friends who, apparently, you haven't formed any independent relationship with. That must be painful, especially since you have been relegated from a place of relative importance to just being one of the gang. Honestly, if you want to be one of the gang, then go for it to the extent you can stand it. Alternatively, you can invite her to smaller gatherings, just don't count on her showing up. At least you won't miss dinner reservations and be continually disappointed. No one needs or deserves that.

And yes, I concur with others who suspect that Mary might have a drinking problem, and that these other women are her drinking buddies. She enables them with money, they enable her by reinforcing the good times. So if that's the case, then one day, Mary might turn to you again and the friendship will evolve in yet another direction.