Letters to the Editor
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Let me get this straight
It's terrible when he cheats on your best friend with other people, but he's a good person when he cheats on her with you?
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Fine advice, but
a person willing to take that advice wouldn't need it in the first place.
What should you do, LW, providing you're not a 14-yr-old faking this letter, which honestly, you sound a bit like? You should continue to cheat on your best friend with her worthless fiance until she catches on to both of you and can get herself and her children as far away as possible.
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Assuming...
... that this letter is for real, it seems that the LW will drop her pants for any guy who feeds her a line, and that Mr Fiancé will feed a line to any chick whom he thinks will drop her pants.
This new couple deserve each other. They are both good people. Good plus good equals doubleplusexcellent.
I predict a long and happy future for them.
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Oh, good _Christ_, Cary...
"Ask yourself what you can do for her. Wouldn't it be great if you were to settle down and get married and have kids, and your kids and her kids could grow up together? That would be a pretty good way for this to end up."
Right, because settling down, marrying, and having kids will make up for LW's fundamental betrayal of her friend and their friendship. We won't even get into whether LW will make much of a mother or a wife given how easily she discounted her instincts and knowledge and fell into bed with this creep. Yup, marriage-with-baybee automatically makes stupid people smart and dishonest ones true.
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Understanding
People who say cruel, judgmental things to people who have done wrong are people who have never been to their own darkest place.
People who say, "I would never cheat. How could you cheat? You awful, awful person," or "How could you ever fall for the ridiculous pablum spouted by this religion?" or "How could you ever start drinking alone, how could you ever take your first hit of this drug, wasn't it obvious what would happen?"
These are not wise people, but lucky people.
This is a terrible situation. And it has happened. We have feelings that cannot be talked out with logic, only altered by action, sometimes actions we don't want to take. Stop seeing this man. The question Cary has answered is this: Now that this has happened, how can I do right by the world?
Is that the question the LW asked? I'm not sure. But I hope so.
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duh-me
Hey! Dummy! Snap out of it! You think you're the only female other than your friend this guy "has feelings for"?
Are you aware that the average guy young enough to be getting married can get feelings for just about any female in the vicinity?
He'll be gone, your friend will be gone, and you're going to regret being a big ego-stroked dummy. Dummy.
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Rent "Big Love" and pop the question to both him AND her between episodes.
There's something in this opportunity for everyone. OK, the dude has to limit to two women unless he gets permission to add another. But remind that two wives is pretty good for a Christian nation. You get him, your friend gets him, the kids get dad and two moms, plus why not have some kids yourself?
If he balks, promise Chloe Sevigny to close the deal.
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Raise your standards a little bit there honey
You didn't like him because he was a cheater until "he confessed to me that he liked me"? That's all it takes? You might think about raising the bar there a little.
If the LW is older than 16, she's got serious problems (and I'm not holding out much hope if she's under 16, either). You have very poor self-esteem, you're a bad friend, a bad judge of character, you have self-destructive tendencies (do you think this can possibly end well?) and you are selfish. Good luck with that. I predict a long life of being dumped by losers and wondering why you have such bad luck with men.
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How much you want to bet this pathetic moron is already pregnant by the lying, cheating scumbag?
She sounds like the kind of brain dead idiot who would decide that that was the next logical step in this poignant romance.
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This man...
Ok LW, I've been there in lots of different varieties. I've knowingly been the "other woman." I've unknowningly been "the other woman." I have gone after a man trying to break up his relationship (not really proud of it, but I did it).
The thing is, the thing that all of these guys had in common was that they were cheaters. Serial cheaters. I was never all that special, no matter what they told me. The guys who did like me, who genuinely had feelings for me and were already in relationships...they never came on to me. Nothing happened. We were still friends years later despite the acknowledged and (most importantly) never acted upon attraction.
This guy says all the right things to you, all the things you want to hear because that is what he does. You're probably thinking "oh, not X...he really loves me." You might be telling yourself, LW, that it can work out somehow and that you and he can have a relationship together despite the odds, despite your best friend. Or maybe you think you are just filling a need of both of yours for sex and affections - so think about this: While you are filling his need you are also diverting your energy from finding real love and a whole relationship.
This guy, no matter what he says, doesn't really love you. He probably doesn't really love your best friend either, but they are bound by several children. See her mistake and don't make it yours. This man would not treat you any different if you were in her place. Think about that. Think about the love, affection and attention he gives you...now imagine him giving it to some other girl. Your cousin maybe. Or your sister. Someone close to you because he seems to like it like that.
Take Cary's advice. It is incredibly hard, especially if there is no one else around, but you have to do it. It is so important that you extricate yourself from this situation before it blows up in your face.