Letters to the Editor
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Gah! No! Do NOT offer to wait. Let her go.
The idea of offering to wait for your love is romantic, dramatic, self-sacrificing, and wonderful on paper. I bear Cary no ill will for suggesting it. But I vehemently disagree with him. If your love wants to leave, and you want a relationship with her, the only way you're going to have a chance to lead a happy life is by letting her go. Actually, by being the one to say "I love you, and it's time for you to go." That way you get to heal, she gets to move along to whatever horizon beckons, you both can find more suitable partners--OR, she'll see you sallying off and having your life and having other women be interested in you and you in them, and she'll (from the other side of the fence) think "Hmmm. Boy did I make a mistake," and see about getting you back. And if that happens, you (from your new perspective) can make a decision about whether to start again with her. But knowing you're there, as reliable and ready as an old sweater, will only make every day seem hot as summer to her. Do the counterintuitive thing. Let her go.
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A better plan is needed
Sexual pleasure requires novelty, with the exception, naturally, of relations between brain dead persons. Young people are ill-advised to give up exciting romantic sex for pedestrian middlebrow moments of relief. Give the woman a sweet keepsake so that she will inevitably wonder later in life if she made a bad mistake in her youth. Then find a new twenty-somethng or other love.
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It's all so ... rational
Maddeningly rational, LW. Are you just rationalizing, or do you always live this much in your head? I'm not trying to insult you, because I live in my head too, which is why I know it when I see it.
It's true that you stop wanting to fuck like bunnies constantly after a few months in a relationship, even if you are still in love. But, in my experience, if you really are still in love, you still want to fuck like bunnies SOMETIMES! If you really feel no passion at all (you're in your mid-20s???), I think the relationship must be over. The things you are both getting out of it may be worth keeping, but they may not be. Use that big, rational mind of yours to tell yourself the truth for once. Maybe you do love her so deeply that you're in it for the long haul. Or maybe you really, really want to believe this is "as good as it gets" because you like things to be settled and decided and done. This does not really sound as though it is as good as it gets for most people. You have to open yourself to real love and real passion if you want it to be better.
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Echoing the sentiment
She's breaking up with you gently. And she's probably seeing someone else already.
Let her go.
You're only in your mid-twenties. You'll be brokenhearted for a bit, I know. That sucks. But, eventually, you'll find someone else and love that person, too.
Let her go. Do not wait for her. That could encourage you to 1) stalk her 2) moon after her unhealthily 3) miss an opportunity for someone new. It could encourage her to 1) keep you on a string whenever she was between others (which would really break your heart) 2) only feel sorry for you.
Time to move on. Good luck.
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Sorry dude
She's just not that in to you. That's all there is to it.
She cares for you, even loves you (the devilish detail being that can mean so many things), and her head agrees with you that all of the rational elements that should be there are there.
But her heart does not feel it, and that is not going to change. She's gone. You'll have to find a way to come to terms with that eventually, and that always sucks. So... Condolences, I guess, but many of us have been there and survived. You will too.
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Where are you in all of this?
Promising to wait for your girlfriend while she explores other relationships sounds romantic, but is not viable. You seem so eager to commit to your girlfriend, but how are you own needs being met? Your girlfriend says she wants to grow as a person and recapture excitement in your life; how about you? Going on vacations, changing sex routines and taking up new hobbies with your girlfriend all seem to be things that you are doing for your girlfriend. You are a separate, individual being and you should think about what needs you have in life (besides a relationship with your girlfriend). Exactly what would promising to wait for her accomplish? She will know she has a back-up boyfriend, you have promised her you won't explore with your own sex life, and you will constantly be anxious that your girlfriend won't come back. If your girlfriend has lost interest in you so much, how can she be the "right girl"? Both of you are young and should engage in self-exploration. It seems to me like you are reluctant to face this and consequently want to commit immediately. There are many people in this world with whom you can build long-lasting, fulfilling relationships. Just because you are hesitant to let go of this relationship does not mean that you will never find a fulfilling one when you are more mature.
All the best.
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Agreed, let her GO
We men are a funny lot. (and funny sometimes)
In truth, 24 is way too young for most women nowdays to commit to one person, unless they have some strong religious reason to do so.
I'm not saying she doesn't love you in some way, on some level, but she probably hasn't dated a lot of men while she was sexually active. She needs to figure out if you really are the one to rock her world or not.
You, at 26 aren't over the hill, or even too close to the top of the hill. I say, LET HER GO. Not for 6 months or a year, but let her GO. (Oh, and mean it, by the way. Don't stalk the girl.)
You don't have to immediately run off and dive into the dating pool, but don't feel like you need to become a monk while she's discovering who she is. If opportunity presents itself, date.
I hate to be a downer on the subject, but if she's suggested that she wants to date other people, most likely, she's got someone else in mind. Women often will find their next mate while, we as their current, have no idea this is happening. Don't take it personally.
Tell her that you won't call her for a month after you two decide to split. (and stick to it) In a month, give her a call and chat with her. Don't expect that she's going to want to get back together after a month apart. Don't ASK her to get back together after a month apart, either. Remember, Let her GO.
I'm no prude, but don't let sex be the basis or barometer of any relationship. It sounds like it is for her more than it is for you. Perhaps, you aren't supposed to be together.
Let her GO.
You'll be happier in the long run, I honestly believe it.