Letters to the Editor
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Finally, a little Ann Landers
MYOB is making a comeback. Thank God. What is causing this? A litany of people snooping into other people private communications. Dante probably had a circle of hell prepared for these clods but as one snoop after another finds out, they are creating their own. Deservedly.
At least this one didn't try to claim 'accidental' reading.
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Should I confront my father about his affair?
No
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no to be mean
but what do you hope to achieve? do you expect your father to end his 5 year relationship with this person because you non-confrontationally confront him with it?
and what if it does motivate him to confess? get prepared for a lot more plane rides to help mom move, recover, etc.
it is tough to find out our parents are human, and the frailties that go along with that, but that's part of growing up.
leave them be.
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tough spot
If you decide you must speak up, try to avoid confronting your dad yourself. Confess your "suspiscions" to your dad's best (male) bud, and let them have a man-to-man talk, or something like that. You definitely don't want to be privy to any confessions. Or at least, I wouldn't.
Hmmm....I wrote up a bunch more, but none of it was any good so I deleted it. How can you simultaneously protect your mom, your dad, and their marriage? I have no idea.
Good luck.
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I have no idea what I would do in your situation
Well, I have an idea--I probably wouldn't say anything. I believe in the law of unintended consequences. But every family is different, and talking to your dad might be the right choice in yours. No advice here, except to take the meddling of others with the same grain of salt your father might take yours.
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Confront him
Yes, you should confront him, because he will be especially delighted to know that you were reading his private e-mail on his computer.
He will probably delete you from his will, but that is a small price to pay for doing the right thing.
Perhaps the best way to tactfully let him know that you are in on the secret is to e-mail him at the secret address, maybe on his birthday. You could send him a picture of his wedding day.
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Lack of respect for Dad
--Dear Cary,
I broke into my neighbor's house, rummaged through his tax returns (they were sitting on the dining room table in full view!), and learned that he's taking tax deductions I'm not sure he's entitled to! I'm CONCERNED about him. Should I confront him?--
Cary: I don't understand why you answered this letter without acknowledging the LW's incredible transgression. She didn't run into her father at a local restaurant, where he can see and be seen by others - she, for all intents and purposes, broke into his e-mail account.
She said she saw an e-mail account attached to her father's name she didn't recognize. Many of us have several e-mail accounts between work and hobbies and online forums that our loved ones would not recognize, because they're none of our loved ones' business.
This woman is not only NOT this man's spouse or partner, she's his daughter and she doesn't even live in the same house. She's a plane ride away, she says. Why is she keeping track of Dad's e-mail accounts?
LW: GET A LIFE and drop this. Confront him?! Are you kidding? If I were your father, I'd be furious at your lack of respect for me and my privacy. It could take a lifetime for me to forgive you. But maybe that's what you want?
The idea of your "snooping," which is way too benign a word, is incredibly disrespectful and downright strange.
Your husband is wrong. Focus on your own life. I don't buy your "concern." You said something to the effect that you work on your own monogamy. I don't know what that means, but I'm sure it has everything to do with your "snooping."
You're involved with some kind of transference; you're focusing on your father instead of yourself or your husband or whoever you're really and truly "concerned" about.
Get a therapist and do some "snooping" into your own psyche. Tell the therapist what you did. Once you start snooping around in your own heart and mind, you may find the peace you're looking for.
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Hang On, Snoopy
It's possible that your father wanted you to find out, knowing, having raised you, his child, to be an honest person, one who would be so pained by her snooping that she might might cop to said snooping and thus reveal the fruits of the snoop.
No one accidentally leaves their super-secret email account open on the laptop that they leave at home while they go to work.
He wants out--of either his marriage or the affair--and does not have the courage to end it himself. It's dirty work. Don't let him manipulate you into doing his for him.
Say nothing. The next time you see you father, give him a long hard look in the eyes. He is a grown up--so is your mother.
Say nothing.
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You are a twit, but you may grow up
In a few years, when you fall in love with "somebody else," and you send a couple e-mails, and maybe touch somebody's forbidden skin, and so on, then you will wish you had not been so quick to condemn your old man.
And you will wish privacy were not so close-to-impossible in 21st century USA.
So just cool it. Your dad is a twit too, for leaving his details for you or anybody to discover, but shoosh now, please. We all are twits. God save us from ourselves. God send us love, and save us from twits. Amen.
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Wow
What vicious pieces of shit you all are. I can't believe you can fault this woman for the pain she feels on her MOTHER'S behalf -- is nothing sacred to you people? Some people don't like the idea of their parent being duped and betrayed, and might want to do something to spare that parent that pain. In your world, I guess that makes those people snoops. Your loved ones are so very, very lucky.
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@from PHilly
"Your husband is wrong. Focus on your own life. I don't buy your "concern." You said something to the effect that you work on your own monogamy. I don't know what that means, but I'm sure it has everything to do with your "snooping.""
Oh you called it, Philly! Like we're really supposed to believe she's "concerned" about her mother. I mean, how centrally does her mother figure into LW's life, anyway?! If it was someone LW loved, that'd be one thing, but clearly it's only her mother, so LW's "concern" can only be construed as meddling. She can't possibly truly give a shit about the lady. Her efforts to spare her heartbreak obviously stem from someplace totally nefarious. A normal and functional, person, like you, Philly, recognizes that a parent's pain has nothing to do with you. Too bad LW doesn't get it.