Well, I don't think you're going to go ask if you can join the kid. So here's my advice: I think you deal with it to a point, that point being around 6 or 7. If the kid likes to shoot hoops when he gets home from school, I don't think it's a big imposition to ask him to Wrap It Up after about two and half hours. I think you should ring their doorbell with a bottle of wine and say "What do you think about this kind of parameter?"

Then in the late afternoons you hear a relatively non-insane-making noise while you make dinner and stuff, and then around dinner time and in the nice warm evening you have the peace of your back porch.

I mention the relative nature of this annoyance because I think it's a helpful way to think about this noise: I live on a busy street in a poor urban area, and it's fucking ridiculous. People roll up and down the road with absurd volume levels going on the Most Annoying music imaginable, mostly 80's glam rock, for whatever reason. What do I do? Nuthin. It's tough shit for me.

It's tough shit for you too, basically. I don't try to diminish your annoyance level, I'm just trying to make a case for your ability to learn to deal. And unless the kid is really heading for the NBA, he's going to move on to skateboarding or a girlfriend or video games in due time. You're probably going to get some letters telling you to get a life and get over yourself and all that. I don't think it's stupid to get annoyed, but I do think you have to figure out a way to remind yourself that you are sharing this general space with the rest of the world, and there are going to be a lot of "oh well, one of those things" moments.

And your neighbor is okay. Settle down and be quiet. This kid plays basketball until 7:30? You are lucky he is not revving Harleys until dawn.

My quick diagnosis: You thought you were cooler than you really are. If you really lived in a cool mansion, your neighbor's driveway would be so far away from your own home that you could not even hear the basketball. Or, you would live so far out in the country that the only background noise would be the nickering of your thoroughbreds in your distant barn, or the swish of the waves against your sun-warmed beach sand.

But you are not that cool (yet?). This situation brings home the fact that you actually live in a teeny-weeny little place, cheek-by-jowl with other teeny-weeny little places. That dents your fantasy.

How bad is the twang-twang of basketballs against the driveway and the ka-dunk/ka-dunk of basketballs against the backboard and the rim? Not very bad!

You can start an endless war with your neighbor, or you can have fun in life. Or you can move away, farther and further out from reality, and wind up cuckoo and miserable.

Believe me. It's pretty bad. It's not just noise, it's vibrations through the whole house, and it sounds like it's relentless - not just random and passing like loud music. Don't minimize this.

LW, it is sad that you did not get to know your neighbor before and now you have to do it in order to address a conflict. Perhaps you can just get to know them first. Start a neighborhood association? Host a block party? I don't know, but I think if your relationship changes, the basketball will seem less annoying. And you will also be in a position to address it in a way that is not hostile. Solve the big problem first.

You live in the suburbs, you have to deal with neighbors and their noises. There's no getting around that. Maybe you need to rethink why this particular sound is so annoying to you. A basketball bouncing is not really a bad sound. It's not a loud lawn mower, it's not people screaming at their kids, it's not a baby crying, it's not a guy beating his wife, it's not car engine revving. It's really a harmless sound representing playing, fun, and a kid's dreams. It's a kid with a socially acceptable and even healthy hobby. That's really not such a bad sound.

Cary, this has got to be the stupidest advice ever. Would it be different if the neighbors' dog barked for hours on end? Or they had rowdy poolside parties every weekend? Or screamed and yelled at each other all day?

This has nothing to do with the "isolation" of the suburbs. It has everything to do with people being sensitive to the people around them. Many people move away from urban areas because they want a quieter environment. Implying that the problem lies solely with the LW is nonsense.

Regardless of whether the LW is on speaking terms with his neighbors, he should go to them and politely let them know that the constant basketball noise is disturbing to him and his wife, and ask what could be done to solve the problem. It's easy to understand how parents can become immune to the noise their kids make. Surely some accommodation could be made; the boy could play for shorter periods, or limit his play to times that wouldn't be so annoying to the LW and his wife. If not, the LW should find out what local noise ordinances pertain to his situation.

Suggesting the LW shoot hoops with the neighbors' kid when he wants to sit peacefully with his wife in his own back yard isn't the answer.

Just maybe the kid has an alcoholic father at home, and three hours of basketball is his escape from all the yelling. At least that's why I played hoops in the yard all night every night.

Ease up.

(Very good advice, Cary.)

A noise ordinance against playing? This actually confirms exactly what Cary said.

I think there is a germ of a great idea in Cary's response.

The next time the kid starts playing, go out and don't even ask -- just JOIN in the game with him.

Do this EVERY TIME he goes out to play. Don't miss a single opportunity, if you can help it.

If the kid ever gets up the nerve to say, "I would just like to practice by myself for awhile," stand by with a slightly hurt expression -- as long as possible -- and just watch him.

But whenever you can, just join right in. Guaranteed he'll start cutting his practice time WAAAAY back.

If one of his parents ever comes to you and says, "Can you just let my kid practice?", you can always say, "Y'know, I would, but I LOVE basketball dearly. I used to play all the time. And when I hear the bounce of a ball off the hoop, hour after hour, four hours in a row sometimes, it gets to me. I just HAVE to play. It wouldn't be so bad if it were just an hour here or there."