Read other letters about this article
To me, the most disturbing part of the letter was the "checking out" emotionally, and the time spent with on-line role-playing. An adult man, whatever his fantasies, should not be learning about them playing games.
Being an adult is serious business: especially with a new baby. While I can sympathize with the desire for a fulfilling sexual relationship, I cannot sympathize with the sacrifice of real world action for that fulfillment. Games are fine for extra time. They should not dominate a life or a relationship.
Bottom line: it does not seem like hubby is living in the real world. I would maybe have a frank conversation about being an adult, and about the attendant expectations.
Though I strongly agree with Cary: with all you have going on, you need some extra space for an extra real world.