Letters to the Editor
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"He's a little crazy."
No he's a lot "crazy". The short answer is simple.
RUN!
The long answer could easily fill a book. He has demonstrated a serious lack of judgment in addition to leaving you "out of the loop" in a major life changing (possibly life ending) decision. Cut your losses and leave. Take it from someone who has been there. War is not a glorious adventure or any other Victorian duty bound BS. He will not come back. His body may return, but even if he is alive he, his soul or core, will be irrevocably altered and not for the better. If he tends to be a loose cannon now, combat will only make it much more severe.
Dr. Stan
Life Member Disabled American Veterans
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He's bi-polar, dear. Run for the hills!
Because it's awful being married to someone like that -- I was, and I don't think it works out very often. There are meds, but bi-polars hate being on them. They actually LIKE their condition, which makes it almost impossible to treat long-term.
If it was JUST the flashes of brilliance or the home-made airplane, it wouldn't be that big a deal. But the guy is going from planning to be a career criminal to...working for a big corporation. And from there to a military career. He's flip flopping all over the map! He has no idea what he wants, because each morning he wakes up fanatically wanting some new dream. He will do this all your life, if you are fool enough to stick with him....the poster who said he will decide to be a missionary in the Amazon just as you are pregnant with twins is absolutely on the money.
He's also not your "fiance" -- not even if you have a diamond as big as the Ritz and are most of the way through planning your big June wedding. He has no interest in getting married -- he may even be panicked about it. Remember that some men, in some subcultures, will propose marriage simply as a way to justify sleeping with you -- and plenty of women will go along with this. After all, your parents might let your fiance sleep over in a way they won't let your "boyfriend" -- the engagement legitimizes everything even if it is very vague and non-specific ("we'll get married someday when it's 'right'").
While you obviously can be married and in the Marines, it's a very lonely haul and only for really strong, committed couples -- the divorce rates are astronomical, especially with a war on. And he's never even discussed this with you, or all the ramifications involved! The separation for YEARS, the abstinence, etc. Is this what someone who cared for you would do??? And you never signed on as a military wife -- it is obvious you wanted a fiance with a MA and great career.
LW, this is painful but it is probably a blessing in disguise. I know you love this guy, and I know that bi-polars can be ENORMOUSLY charming and delightful (in the short run): they are usually whip-smart, funny, adventurous, involved in exciting endeavors. Unfortunately -- they are also extreme nutjobs. You can NEVER depend on them, because once they build the homemade airplane, they will want to suddenly packback through the Brazilian rainforest or climb Mt. Everest or join the priesthood.
Your life with this man will be an unpredictable series of surprises, shocks, disappointments, constant worrying and fear. He will go from high paying jobs to crazy, hare-brained money-making schemes, with no consideration of how you are going to live -- just as he has decided to run away to Iraq with no concerns about paying the mortgage on what I guess is your JOINT home (leaving you stuck to figure it out).
It's far FAR better you learn this now, rather than after having two kids with him (or more). Bi-polar is VERY hereditary and you don't want to pass this on to your children.
Fortunately you are young enough to buck up and leave, and make a fresh start, with plenty of time to build a wonderful life -- what I DO NOT WANT TO READ is about you in 14 years, several kids, and your life in ruins, and you are 40 and have far less options.
Get out NOW. Shake his hand, wish him well and get own with your own (sane, happy) life.
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Driven
LW,
It seems clear that you aren't number one on this guy's list. You can't change him (have you taken your radical acceptance pills today?), so if you want to be married to him, brace yourself for always riding in the back seat, watching his world go by.
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Enough with the bipolar!
He may not be crazy at all.
Brilliant, restless, creative people do brilliant, restless, creative things, like trying to build airplanes from junk. At least he wasn't trying to build a nuclear reactor in his parent's potting shed. (Look up, "David Hahn" on Wikipedia if you're not familiar with the story.) They don't have to be crazy to do them. Young men suddenly panic at they see the speed train of an on-going marriage coming and decide "Hey, I'd rather have an adventure then settle down and be a husband!" and then join the Marines. He doesn't have to be crazy to be like this.
If he is crazy, it may not be bipolar.
I have a close family member who is exactly like this brilliant, flaky, and a little amoral. In his late teens and twenties, he pulled geographics all the time, including an attempt to sign up for the military. (It was a no-go for other medical reasons.) He isn't bipolar. He is an alcoholic (now recovering) with a history of unipolar depression and maybe, a personality disorder.
Not everything is: 1) bipolar or ADHD or autism.
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Side Note
If Mr. Marine For Now does have bipolar disorder, it doesn't automatically mean that marriage is impossible for him.
My aunt is bipolar, and has been on medications for probably about as long as I've been alive. She's been married for....oh, a decade? There are side effects, one of which means that she can't have children. (Or so I've been told. Alternatively, as she's Catholic, she may have chosen not to have offspring and uses the meds as a blind.) But Aunt is committed to being stable for her husband and the rest of her family, so she takes the medication.
Mr. Marine, however, doesn't seem to realize or care how his behavior affects those who care about him. Hence, LW should get out now before she gets any more entangled.