Letters to the Editor
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If he does turn out to be mentally ill
He and the Marines will find this out together very quickly.
If that's the way things go, then at least by joining the Marines he'll end up with more disability pay and mental health care than he would if he hadn't joined and had to apply for regular disability and search for mental health care as a mentally ill civilian.
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Pish posh
I'm manic depressive and he's never at the meetings. No seriously, we don't do anything we actually wouldn't ordinarily do. We just do MORE of what we're inclined to do anyway. If you like to shop you'll shop until you're broke. If you get in fights you get into MORE fights and such. People don't have multiple personalities with manic depression. Your finance always harbored a desire to join up.
Anyway, why wait? You can be married in the service. Sounds like you're the one with the problem.
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Not just bipolar
I am bipolar, and I have a pretty thorough education on all sorts of mental conditions through "apprenticing" with a psycho-pharmacologist father. (I am using my husband's account, so anyone reading this, it is not he).
He doesn't just sound bipolar, he sounds like he has a personality disorder on top of it. I agree he is probably getting more manic, but his behaviors, as someone already said, were not invented by his illness.
"Amoral," and "sociopath" are the words that leapt to mind as I read your description of him. Especially the trying to be a criminal for the thrill of it.
But I also agree with the poster who wonders if he even thinks of you as his fiancee. If you don't mind being a mere hanger-on who bears his kids for the rest of your life, go for it. But he isn't really thinking about you, he is too preoccupied with whatever is going on in his own mind.
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run
run like the wind. he is never going to be stable. medication, blah blah, yes, it can help with those who want help but your bf/fiancee/whatever doesn't want it. and he doesn't want you. bipolar people tend to be very attractive in a lot of ways, particularly emotional. they're very good at finding what you need from them and then delivering in the most manipulative manner possible.
if you don't make yourself scarce, you will ultimately end up blaming yourself for his failings.
or not. perhaps this is what you need as well. if so, enjoy.
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It's not courtesy
It's commitment. When getting engaged, the Marine pledged to share his life with LW. He had to have some clue as to what her expectations were. Yet, he signed up to be somewhere else for the next 4-6 years.
That's give the ring back time. That's unforgivable.
If he's mentally ill, accepts it, gets treatment and shows signs that he won't ever do this again, maybe you support him.
But my guess is when you're seven months pregnant with twins and have a toddler to care for, Marine is going to join the Peace Corps and head to the back of beyond for two years, leaving you to pay the mortgage and care for your kids alone.
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Not crazy
Whether or not he has a psychiatric disorder no one can tell. But I can say this -- with graduation looming, taking off for a couple of years to find himself is not unusual at all. What is unusual is his return and completion; many find it hard to go back to school after a significant break and it's a testament to his work ethic and sense of future needs that he not only graduated but went on for a master's. Making mention of being a burglar isn't particularly unusual either... and had he seen any of the Ocean's flicks around that time, because who wouldn't want to be in on that grand, non-violent and seemingly victimless (rob the baddie rich, hey!) lifestyle? He didn't get a security guard job, so he never did a thing to realize that innocuous comment. And the plane? Building things is what inventors do, and thank all the gods and goddesses for them! Life is dangerous, so why not get your scars trying to make something rather than by being a passive receptacle?
I am sure there are other things that you and his family find worrisome, LW, but from what the letter says he's simply eccentric, intelligent and, above-all, young. While I think anyone who'd join the Marines is nuts, I have to say that he picked an outfit that will provide him with the stimulation he needs and force him to focus for longer than a few years. Can't quit when he gets bored, can he? Maybe deep down, he knows he needs such an irrevocable commitment and that's why he signed up.
The problem is, marriage is not the commitment he wants. Not now. And even after a stint in the Marines, I think your ideas of marital bliss may diverge completely. Signing up without warning is a deal-breaker; subconsciously, he either wants out or simply has an idea of marriage that is completely different than your own. And while you may love him, you don't sound prepared to spend your life with him -- someone like him, maybe, but not him. You're not worried for his life, or talking about missing him, but worrying about the trappings of stability. Valid worries, but... your heart seems remarkably intact for someone whose fiancé is taking off for years. Break it off with warmth and fondly remember the crazy genius you once loved but with whom you could not live.
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Cary, you *are* anti-military-- or being astoundingly ignorant
Do you actually read about what the Marines are doing in Iraq beyond skimming the headlines through the filters of your preconceived, simplistic notions? By and large, Marines there are engaged not in combat, but in peacekeeping and civil reconstruction operations, a complex and intellectually challenging task requiring multi-layers of diplomatic, cultural, and military knowledge. Whatever this individual's particular motivations, the requirements for a Marine officer are incredibly complex and demanding and have little to do with your lazy string of bigoted stereotypes. If you're even halfway interested in offering your opinions in good faith, read this depiction of Marine activity in Fallujah and tell me if you can sustain your narrow-minded view without shame:
http://www.michaeltotten.com/archives/2008/01/the-final-missi.php