Letters to the Editor
-
Classic signs of Bipolar disorder
No, I'm not a psychiatrist, but have dealt with Bipolar disorder in the past-- and these are classic manifestations of the "manic" phase. He needs to be evaluated. NOW!
-
Answer to your question
He's a little crazy. Should I wait around for six years?
No.
-
bipolar
well, i am a psychiatry resident and i agree with KonaKathie that the grandiose and dangerous projects could be a sign of bipolar disorder. he should be evaluated, stat. also, because denial accompanies manic symptoms, he may not want to see a psychiatrist. if you are concerned he could hurt himself, and depending on the laws in your area, you may have to get a court order for him to be evaluated.
-
Classic signs of ADHD, too
High intelligence and creativity, extreme impulsivity, thirst for anything that gets the adrenaline going, eccentric waaay-out-of-the-box thinker....
And no, I'm not a psychiatrist, but I do have ADD. :)
-
Not that this really matters but...
The OCS option is not the same thing as enlisting...so the age limits may be different.
That being said she should totally dump this guy and move on.
-
Perfect advice, Cary
Cary is 100% spot on this time: your fiance did this without consulting you, so you need to call things off.
One thing I remember from my failed marriage was the warning signs I received during my engagement that things may not go as planned. I felt as though I couldn't call things off, though, because the engagement felt like too much of a commitment. I wish, in hindsight, that I had viewed the engagement as more of a trial period rather than a done deal.
One final aside: Just because someone joins the Marines doesn't mean you can't marry them. It would suck, but they'd give him leave and all of that, and they can't deploy someone overseas continuously for 6 years. But this particular Marine-in-the-making doesn't sound ready to commit to marriage and a family.
-
Will he get the tattoo?
Who hoo! Is he a big guy? Get four more of him and we've got a party in the hotel 'round midnight.
I kid. Bad joke.
LW,
Even though most people are against this billion dollar war sham, I support the people who are working and fighting so that we can enjoy the freedoms of this great country. I thank them every chance I get... THANK YOU! I also 'support' the idea of support, and if he is making the Marines (or whatever grabs his attention) the priority, he isn't supporting you or the impending union very well.
-
Premarital axiety
Yes, it sounds like he may have gone manic again. Perhaps the stress of an impending marriage has induced this. Perhaps he would rather die heroically than go into these impending nuptials. He would not be the first.
It is a sad situation for all concerned.
-
Wise Up
It doesn't matter if he has a character flaw, a diagnosable mental disorder, or any other reason. This is more then enough reason to bail out of this relationship.
If you think you are likely to have a stable family life with children after marriage, very unlikely.
Back to the children idea. You are betting your children's future on drawing to an inside straight. It isn't just you, after all. There are just not many scenarios that have a happy ending with this man. On the slight chance he is just an eccentric genius that maybe needs a pill to keep it together, consider that wives of eccentric geniuses don't tend to have happy endings. I once heard the comment that "Kennedy(men) are hell on women".
The idea that you don't give up on a person because of a physical or mental/chemical problem, that's AFTER you say I do. Maybe. Other people's opinion of you dumping a patriotic guy don't count.
The idea that things will get better after marriage is another bad idea. Not that it can't happen, but it is much more likely that any problem will become worse after the Honeymoon period is over. Guys can change, but not because you want them to.
The only possible reason not to run out of this relationship immediately is if you are madly in love. But if you have to ask....you aren't.
The final over worked analogy is the shoe salesman, when the customer says they are snug in the toe, assures you that leather stretches and it will be fine when the shoes are broken in.
So wise up now before true heartbreak, like dealing with his problems, having children to consider, no really good options, and living with the fact that you knew and signed up for it.
-
He may have bipolar disorder, but it's his bipolar disorder
Like many posters here, I see bipolar disorder in your fiance. And we may all be right, but it doesn't matter because people who actually know and love your fiance have told him they're worried, and he has refused treatment. And in fact, probably does not see what psychiatry has to offer as treatment at all. Like substance abuse, certain psychiatric disorders have a "bottom." Your boyfriend hasn't found his, and until he does, he will probably continue to resist treatment. And that is just his right.
YOUR right is to live your life in a way that gives you the best chance for happiness and fulfillment. You want very normal things, LW, and it shouldn't matter that other people might think you're the anti-war fiance who wasn't willing to support her guy--that's not what's going on here, and you know it.
Go after the life you want. But know that these parts of your fiance that you want to "other" and say are not really him, are part of him and probably will be for a long time.
-
Enlisted and officer are not the same thing
They will take an overage officer recruit to 30 in certain important specialties (math/stats/medical/computers, etc) because there are shortages. They will take a max age of 29 for the Marine Reserves. If he went to the Reserves, he's accurate.
I'm not sure about the grandiosity and the "little crazy". I'm feeling a little sorry for the guy. My students drop out, bump around and come back, just like this guy, without being called crazy and bipolar. Immature, yes, but not crazy. Calling him crazy for doing something you disaprove of (and by the way, people do build planes from scraps- I know a few physics and math majors who have done it successfully- the crazy ones build weapons from scraps))
makes me less than sympathetic to the LW. As for the family, they sound a bit controlling.
It sounds like he is trying to escape the pressures of marriage and family expectations, just like he was the first time he dropped out and wanted to build the plane (the criminal stuff sounds goofy, like a family member was exaggerating- I'm smelling an unreliable narrator). He's probably not ready for marriage. Let him go.
Now, thinking that war is a "great adventure" isn't smart, but it is not crazy, either. In rural areas, some people think like that.
Let him go, LW. Telling yourself he's crazy will only make you hold on. He's not crazy.