Letters to the Editor
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Testosterone
It is my understanding that homosexual men often have a higher than average amount of testosterone. Not that this is necessarily helpful in a spiritual sense, but since you seem determinedly committed to your wife, it could be helpful in a practical sense to think of yourself as "too much of a man for just women."
Putting your feelings in that framework might lend a certain dignity both to your homosexuality (which is a concept much abused in certain Christian churches), and to your wife, who, as you said (and as one can imagine) feels a bit put out by your revelation.
There are a lot of things that you, as a man, might like to do, but which turn out to be "blows you spare to strike for the common good." And by that I mean, you've left off the concept of riding a dirt bike, becoming a mixed martial arts fighter, and starting a hard-core band, since those would not be the best choices for your family.
Cheating on your wife with anyone wouldn't be right. But just as you might stay up late to watch the fights and smoke cigars, or listen to hard-core on your headphones, so you can make furtive visits to an out of the way computer to search gay porn...
...it's not Robert Frost, but then, every man has his poisons.