Letters to the Editor
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From another artist's perception
My flat-out opinion--yes you're an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic too, but one in recovery. Quit 2 years ago. Oh yeah, I'm also a sensitive artist, an introvert who craves my peace & solitude. We're alike in that aspect. But I do not have a husband or children to interact with, to witness the gradual, painful wrath they experience from an alcoholic actively descending into her own self-made hell--so I consider myself lucky not to have ever had to drag anyone else into my slowly eroding abyss of drunken behavior. But I'll tell you what happens when you give up the booze, at least from my perspective: For many years, I put creating my art on hold, because the drinking was the only thing that mattered. Maybe you're not quite there yet, maybe your drinking pattern doesn't seem too out-of-control at the moment. But I guarantee you that it will if you keep it up. Drinking will never, ever inspire you to create art, it does just the opposite. It robs you of your artistic spirit & expression, destroys your mind function along with self-confidence, & after awhile it just becomes easier to drink away life's frustrations rather than attempting to be creative & constructive with your god-given talents. You become slowly imprisoned by your own actions, because you become addicted.
After some sober time under my belt, I reluctantly began to create my art again after many years of giving it up (I say reluctantly because I was afraid I'd lost my talent for good) & lo and behold--it came back with a vengeance. It was freeing, nurturing, spiritual & confidence building. It was validating. It made me grateful. Now I'm having my first exhibition in a small gallery here in town.
LW, please try to seek some help. Not only do you have a family that needs you, I think you might have some precieved underlying issues of why you drink, possibly stemming from depression (like myself), so therapy can help with that. You are squandering away something that gives you joy & passion. You can take small steps to achieve that goal, but if you continue on your path, you will lose virtually everything. If you stop drinking, everything in your life will vastly improve--your family relationships, your health & peace of mind as well as your creative abilities. But you must be willing to take that first step. I wish you much luck.
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Learn to Communicate
If you knew how to communicate, things wouldn't build up to the point that you need to get drunk to let it out.
Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's dry, doesn't get too much into your business with the "why?" stuff, they map out a series of sessions with an end date. It's goal-oriented.
The point is to teach you how to recognize when you're being triggered, and teach you skills to communicate with others and understand inside yourself what is happening so that you don't have to get overly frustrated.
You will need this skill whether you stay married or not, because if you get divorced and need to work to support yourself, no employer is going to tolerate the kind of behavior your family is currently tolerating. It's a good investment in yourself and your future.
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@ Afro Goddess
Hey, have you read the Angry Black B*tch blog? I'm not calling you names, that's just the name of the blog. Her style reminds me of yours, you might enjoy it: http://angryblackbitch.blogspot.com/
Hilarious post, btw.
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You need to get started on your career
Dear Me:
You've been trained as a technical writer. It's a good field (I've been in it for 25 years) but it's also crowded. A lot of people want to be technical writers; some are qualified, some aren't. But hiring managers have a substantial pool of talent to choose from and it's very difficult to get an entry-level position. One of the reasons you may not have been landing jobs is that they may have gone to people with more experience.
So you need to get experience. How?
Three suggestions:
1. Hook up with an agency that provides contract tech writers to local companies. If you're not sure how to get in touch with these agencies, try checking the Yellow Pages under "Employment Contractors--Temporary Help."
2. Go to local companies and offer your services as a tech writer for free. You'll get good experience and you'll be able to use them as a reference.
3. Join STC (the Society for Technical Communication). It is the association for tech writers. There should be a local chapter in your area. They have employment listings and if you get involved with your local chapter, it's a great way to network and be aware of what's going on in the field. (Google "STC.")
Good luck.....
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This is why...
People shouldn't get married until they hit 30.
Or maybe why they shouldn't marry if they want a career in the arts.
Or maybe why artists shouldn't drink.
Oh, hell. This is why I let Cary handle the tough questions.
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I Woule Hope That As a Budding Writer,
You would also keep a journal, even the bad stuff that happens is and can always be used. If I recall, the most bold writers tend to take people to places they've never been. Remember living is for not for the timid. I also resonate with you, I keep my feelings about things inside, it is trying to live in the outside world that gives me much angst. I am a good person as well, which really sucks, because people love to take advantage, and it is in those that truly like to make good people look like poo on the bottom of a shoe, that really irk me. Because even though I am so good, I am oh so bad as well. My kids could testify to Moms uglier moments, I love to lounge in the morning, I do not work, other than write, all day every day. About different events, different things going on, I bite the bullet and dodge some of them too. My husband is controlling, never mind in a passive aggressive way. He was a rock solid Soccer player, from Italy, and loves nothing more than to steam roll over people, me included and kids as well. Thankfully, the kids are getting older, our youngest is just turned 16 and is a bit of hellcat. She can be loveable, but certainly is a much happier person, when she can be controlling, and obnoxious. I don't nor will tolerate that, we get into some decent arguments, but she also knows that I love her dearly, and that I want whats truly best for her. As far as the alcohol, well it is a problem only because that is when you can express all of the anger that you speak of. Nobody ever said that marriage was going to be a bed of roses, there are always going to be days that you wish you'd thought about it a little bit more, that is just hind sight taking a peek at what could've been. Don't you think men go through it? for men for some reason, it is somewhat more problematic, because many choose to go outside the bounds of their marriage, forgetting the little invisible line, that says, "no your a married man". Men, seem to have this little gene in their DNA that says, "it's okay" it's just for a little while, I am going back home to the wife and kids" This little gene, needs the crap kicked out of it and to get all men and bastards alike on track. Like a burning flame, to realize their ruining it for themselves and their families. Take some control over your self, and get the help you need to realize what is important to you, and then figure out where the "other" things like could fit in. Kids represent a big challenge no matter, the work is constant, if they are young, they desire more learning, more teaching,then with all the other things that are going on, it is no wonder that more people don't act like monsters or do they?