Letters to the Editor
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Can you hear me now?
I have nothing to offer you LW, but damn your letter and Cary's reply are fantastic!
Everyone has some crazy person (or two or three) rearranging the furniture and banging around up there. You just dragged the crazy person into the light and that took courage. I am speaking to LW but also to Cary. There are vivid pictures in this writing and a nod to the crazy person in each of us that cannot be ignored.
Now what to do with him? Do we submerge him and lock it up or do we let him dance? Whatever you decide, just don't pour alcohol on him!
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I almost fell out of my chair...
Afro Goddess cracks me up!
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Hello, Me
"I drink. I am bad when I drink. I am an artist. I hit my sister in the head with my purse when I drink. I am possessed and tell off my husband when I drink. I act lecherous and men approach me despite the husband's being within range. It's weird. I am disconnected. I do not like where I am [. . .] I do not want a blowup, but I require peace and quiet [. . .] I'm afraid. I want to be alone [. . .] I meet people daily. I am an introvert, but I can get out there and make it. I'm pretty sure of this [. . .] Lately, I fear my only alternatives are lashing out as a drunken monster now and then. But the intervals are getting closer and I'm concerned."
In short, and I am not a doctor, this sounds like bi-polar disorder to me. Dissociation, extreme irritability alternating with extreme self-confidence, heightened sexual behavior, substance abuse. . . .
Just take my word for it, and get thyself to a therapist. Bi-polar depression has far higher rates of suicide than regular garden-variety depression, and sometimes the manic swings result in incarceration. Please--get some help. If you're not sure whether to go or not, just think of your kid and do it for him.
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what a princess!
Electro Robot and AfroGoddess hit your nail right on its head. I will add Princess (is it politically incorrect to say JAP?). Go to AA, get yourself a good therapist, and face yourself. And yeah, the advice to go to a mental health professional and admit to hearing voices and harming self or others? This is the fast track to involuntary admission to an inpatient locked down psych unit. I'm not kidding. Cary is more of an idiot than I thought for telling you to do this. I am a health care professional and have worked on such units ... I do think you have a drinking problem that masks other deeper problems you have, such as -- maybe you feel insignificant and like you haven't lived up to the Jewish ideal (becoming a doctor, lawyer, successful businessperson) so you drink because you can feel bigger and more important than you already are and you can lord it over your passive-aggressive husband (of course you picked someone like that, because you can dominate him so easily). Who knows why you drink, but self medication with ETOH for perceived faults and failures, instead of facing them head on and changing them, is much easier and it gives you license to take it all out on everyone around you. Your poor kid. I hope s/he has an adult in his/her life who actually loves him/her.
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Acknowledge what you are
"I am an artist."
Sorry, but that description is not what the people who love you and whom you treat so carelessly will call you if you don't get ahold of yourself.
You're a drunk, and a mean one at that. No amount of disappointment with your life can excuse your behavior.
AA is one place to start, but were I you, I would couple it with therapy to discover why you think your behavior is in any way appropriate. Your behavior pegs you as the one in the family who is ignorant and limited.
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"I drink. I am an artist. " Yeah, right.
"I drink. I am bad when I drink. I am an artist."
The first two sentences have absolutely nothing to do with the third. Yet you string them together as if they comprised a logical sequence.
They don't. It sounds like you are a drunk who gets mean when drinking but holds the crazy idea that she is being creative and misunderstood and that people ought to coddle her instead of be angry at her.
You have a degree in technical writing and a family, you need some money, and are confused. So, persist in looking for a job. Pay attention to your child, whom you're probably harming with your drunken rages. And get some help. There is plenty, some of it free -- therapy, mental health centers, rehab, AA. Because nothing good is going to happen to you until you quit drinking. You'll keep on going as you're going now -- getting drunk, hitting people, seducing men in front of your husband and thinking it's all great art. Change yourself. That's all anybody can ever do, really. Then, maybe, you can begin making art.
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Get help, Jenna!
When I first saw the title, I thought this was an excerpt from Jenna Bush's memoirs.
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Artist schmartist
No excuse. Forget all the novels & movies that glorify the artistic schmuck - this is real life.
And we're ALL *artists* (someone special), even those annoying spouses and relatives.
A glass of wine with supper mellows one out a bit. Beyond that, booze is bad nooze.
We're all crazy (and *special*) and life is hard - kids and making a living and dealing with people. Timbuktu has words of wisdom - hang in there till you're 50 and it'll be much better. (Or much worse - as the person who warned about being a crazy drunk at 48 said.) Meanwhile, try to have a little compassion for everyone - including but not exclusively yourself.
(If all else fails, consult an Ifa priest and sacrifice a chicken.)
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"I am an artist."
oh god, here we go.
So Cary will tell you that means you have SPECIAL priviledges and are BETTER than most people because you're an ARTIST.
(BTW, the generally accepted standard among ARTISTS is that one may not judge oneself an artist. And artist is someone who is deemed an artist by other people. Otherwise we're all artists of one sort or another... hey wait a minute.. but then self- identified artists wouldn't be SPECIAL and SUPERIOR...)