Letters to the Editor
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sex in a vacuum
Timbuktom said something good, so I want to start a reply with it:
"US Marines are Okay
They are young guys who want to fall in love. Keep your friend away from Foreign Legionnaires."
Can I add rock stars, unhappy spouses, addicts, predators, etc?
Throughout history, the list goes on. People do dumb things. It's just a fact that everywhere you go there are people who cheat and disrespect their bodies and those around them. Is this news? People seem so shocked... or they say Cary makes it up. They obviously know nothing about Cary or his writing outside of this one job on Salon, but again, great imagination.
This letter seems like a fairly normal 20-something to me actually. Admittedly it is troubling that Jan isn't respecting herself, sticking with her friends in the evenings, and of course there is a lack of protection. There is no need to escalate this for her, she'll do it herself or she'll come around and realize she is making mistakes. She may need some help, but if an adult chooses to have unprotected sex, it's not your job to rescue everyone involved. The BF probably knows it isn't right and since you don't know him, you can't make assumptions. Who really knows? He could be doing the same thing. He is not your responsibility. It's not espionage, relationships are complicated in different ways.
"We think she's out of control" means you've been talking about her but not enough to her. Even though she'll probably say again that she doesn't want to talk about it or have some other tick, you can be persistent. Heck, you care enough to send a letter to a public forum so we can all ruminate and discuss. Certainly your goal isn't to humiliate her into change.
Go to your friend. Stage your intervention but don't flinch if she resists and gets defensive, because it is likely. Tell her you see destruction and danger in her future and express your concerns, completely. When Cary brought up the idea of trauma, perhaps he was also suggesting that she has had some situations in her life that have caused her to act like this. Abuse? Fear? It's not productive to speculate, but here is what you can do:
Focus on loving your friend, not policing her. Good luck!