Letters to the Editor
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wire0monkey
We're in a war. A new enlistee has to face the fact that he or she could die or be seriously injured in this war. 4000 or so of our military folks have died in Iraq, and many, many more have had very nasty wounds that involve losing body parts. The mission is nebulous and open-ended. Unless a young person feels a calling for the military, I don't think joining up is the greatest idea. A job with the possibility of maiming just doesn't seem like a good response to "I don't know what to do with my life."
I have to point out that joining the military is always about possibly risking your life. It isn't a safe job. And yet that is when we need the members of the military most.
I agree with most of what you said about the current stresses of the military- which is why I said he/she should research the options in the military, which are many and various, not just join up and ask to be sent directly to Iraq. And I second whoever recommended Americorps or other similiar organizations- research is a good idea, as it might get the LW excited about something/anything, and he might get some sort of direction.
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Here's what I did
I have the same kind of pushy parents the LW has. They both believe that I need to be pushed all the way if I am going to "accomplish" anything (they still believe that, and I'm in my thirties!), and they did a lot of pushing when I was in my late teens and early 20's. And, of course, the flip side to all the pushing - they took all the credit for any of my accomplishments.
Here's what I did. I got a "useful" degree, and graduated one year early, at age 21. And then I moved out. I had a perfectly good excuse to do so - I got accepted into a fancy graduate school 1500 miles away and got a fellowship and a stipend. And that was that. They could not take credit for my graduate school career, my job, or anything else, because I was 1500 miles away.
My advice to the LW would be to finish his degree. A college degree can make a lot of difference in the job market, and in this kind of economy, you need all the help you can get. Get a "useful" degree in something that you don't find altogether distasteful. Then, get a job and move out. Yes, it'll take longer than just quitting college and getting a minimum-wage job, but it minimizes the chances that you will come back with your tail between your legs (and thus prove them right). Because they will remember it, and hold it against you. My parents did.
I moved back for a year when my mother was ill, so I could help take care of her. I abandoned a prospering business in order to be able to do that. Still, when my mother talks about that year, she talks about me being in trouble and her "rescuing" me from that, and keeps reassuring me that there is no shame in failure.
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Yes, get a trade
I cannot agree more, learn a trade. It will give you a firm foundation and serve you much better than some ambiguous general business degree that prepares you for a McJob. It will also help you decide what you want to do with your life. Then you can decide what degree to pursue.
There are many trades that pay well and are quite satisfying. Find a guidance counselor who does not have his or her head stuck in the college track and look at different options. Go to the counselor at the community college, not the one at the university.
FYI, this is what I did. I first became a tool & die maker and found my niche. I also have degrees in Quality Control, Industrial Technology, a M. Ed. in secondary education and an EdD in Adult & Career Education. A trade does not limit one, but expands ones horizons.
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finishing your college degree tells employers you can finish something, have a reasonable level of independence, and are teachable if not learned
Finish your degree. It will not be the only time in your life you have to buckle down and get through something that you're not crazy about. It really is all a matter of attitude: this is a finite journey, with an end in sight and and a reward (the degree). There are many good things you can choose to experience along the way: making a few friends, actually enjoying a few classes, learning something new.
At the very least you will be proving to yourself that you can set your mind on a goal and accompish it. Do not create the spectre of failure to finish college - it will haunt you. Of course college isn't the be-all end-all...Michael Dell and Bill Gates didn't finish, after all. And if you were like them and had an actual business that you wanted to launch and were well down the road to doing so, I'd say go ahead and quit - quitting wouldn't be a failure in that case, it would be a redirection of talen and energy and passion in a direction that would yield more results and happiness. But that's not where you're at. You don't have direction. Finishing college may not provide direction, but it will at least not add to the general sense of failure, dislocation and lack of direction you're suffering from now.
Give yourself a chance to finish. You might find a passion, something you're good at or like doing, along the way. There is absolutely nothing to lose.
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Well kiddo
This is my advice. So first, to be treated like an adult, you must act like one. Become an adult member of the household, on the way home from school do the grocery shopping from your own list. Don't tell mom or dad you're doing it, unless you need money from them if they haven't given you a credit card. Make family dinner a few nights a week, if you've never cooked before, do easy stuff like spaghetti and salad. Do the dishes, do the family laundry, clean the house. This will show your parents that you are capable of taking care of yourself, as well as helping you not feel like so much of a freeloader.
After you have done this for a few months while maintaining your grades, talk to your parents about how you feel like a moocher. Tell them that you are so grateful for everything that they are doing, that you want to show them that they've done a great job raising you, so you want to get a part time job at X gig. There are plenty of jobs that are perfect for college students, I bet just working weekends at a record store or resturant would help. You'd have a few dollars in your pocket and something to do where you have to be responsible for yourself.
Also tell them that potential employers like seeing some work history on a resume, even if it is just mopping floors.
Also, pick a major. A major does not lock you into a career, unless you pick pre-med or law. I know plenty of people who got their degrees in one major and now are working in a totally different field.
Think about what you like doing, what classes have you taken that you really enjoyed being in? Make your hobby, your interest your major.
I give the advice this way because I think your parents are afraid for you, I think your father's threat was empty. You've admittedly failed once on the school/taking care of yourself part. So they want to make things as easy as possible for you so you'll succeed because they know in this new world not having a college degree is doom. This caretaking is making you feel bad about yourself, like you're a loser. So prove to them that you can succeed by showing them that you can.
Do not drop out, do not move out. Show them that they've got nothing to fear and soon, you'll know you can succeed all on your own too.