I know I've already weighed in on this, and the LW has gotten many excellent responses, but I just want to comment on something a new responder X. Paloverde said, in case the LW is still reading:

I agree that the "couples therapy" and even "therapy" model for relationships where one person is clearly disturbed is downright dangerous.

The best therapists - and these therapists are few and far between - most people will never meet one - will tell you to LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

You will rarely hear this from any therapist, as they're too busy having you weigh 17 options and look at the problem from 47 angles.

The answer is always inside you. The tragic part about therapy is that people seek out therapists to help them get at their feelings, and instead generally get a kindly, well-meaning highly patronizing person in the "helping professions" who looks at the situation academically.

It took one sentence from a normal therapist to get me to leave an abusive relationship. I think he simply said: "Would you have someone as a friend that exhibited this behavior?"

I've seen therapists who want to fully explore the Harville Hendrix bullshit about how it's wonderful to work out your childhood issues and traumas in your current relationship; they don't seem to think you're in a good relationship unless you're in complete agony working out your issues. These well-meaning, dangerous people keep couples in "counseling" for years - and even decades.

Let me tell you, LW, when you find a partner whose mental health is good, your "relationship issues" will often disappear. The best part about hanging out with a mentally healthy partner is that your weaknesses and foibles will become ever more apparent, and you'll be able to finally confront those.

I believe in the concept of therapy, but I find most therapists to be extraordinarily dangerous people. They have been for me.

**The best therapists display the common sense of someone who doesn't practice therapy.** Guess what...you don't need a degree in psychology or 1,000 hours of training to help someone. You just need to be a secure, confident, compassionate person. Seek out that person, LW. Most psychologists and particularly psychiatrists I know are among the most insecure, self-involved people I've ever met. An insecure person cannot help you. I don't care if they have a PhD or an MD; their problems enter the therapy session whether you know it or not.

DO NOT seek couples therapy. Don't let a therapist lead you astray by contemplating what needs no contemplation. Find kind, secure, compassionate people to talk with. If one of them is a mental health professional - great. But if you sense the professional does not have these three qualities, leave the therapy.

Slowly develop a plan for the next stage of your life, and then, when you're alone with yourself, reflect on why you chose your man in the first place. There are wonderful books that can help you learn about yourself. The best therapy available is to get into a relationship (down the road, not now!) with a mentally healthy partner. That's when you'll get better. But there's time for that. Just develop a plan for now.

Okay, so Lisa and Dave are dating. Dave tells Katherine about a good film she should check out. Then Lisa berates Dave for not telling Katherine that he Dave did not find this movie, in fact, Lisa did.

Next, Lisa likes reading these Japanese Management technique books and throws an idea for peer reviews out to Dave. Dave tells the staff they will be doing peer reviews(he's the boss) but doesn't credit Lisa. She gets all pissy and the receptionist Beth keeps telling Lisa she's overreacting, Lisa actually keeps a scrapbook of everytime Dave has "stolen" an idea of hers. Then the peer review thing blows up, everyone hates it, Dave is getting yelled at and for laughs (this is a sitcom) he goes, hey everyone, it was Lisa's idea! But then again, it wasn't really her idea since she got it from a book in the first place. Do you site the source of every piece of knowledge you have? Nothing is really an original idea anyway. Someone heard it, read it, saw it somewhere before and either copies it or adjusts it to their use.

Next a temp comes to work at WNYX, it's an old friend of the receptionist Beth. This woman always copies Beth, her clothes, her hair, her style, her mannerisms, chasing her boyfriends, ect. Near the end of the show, the woman says yes I copy you because I'm jealous of you and I really want to be your friend, but lets not forget you've been very mean to me too, remember when you said we were gonna join the Peace Corps, I went to Uganda and you worked at Six Flags.

So LW, I'm not discounting your feelings, but I'm also not gonna say he's an irredemable narcissist.

So can you say you've been treating your husband well? Has he ALWAYS been this way, or just recently? Now, also the trash talking, is it really trash talking or is he complaining about how he feels you treat him to mutual friends? Without an example of what he said to someone I can't honestly tell the difference between bitching and moaning or telling people you are a poor example of a human being and wife. Does he look for work at your places of employment because he's been having a hard time finding work and figures at the very least he'll have a better shot getting employed where his wife works? Certainly he thinks his wife will give him a good refrence, no?

So maybe he's some awful creepy NPD or BDP person, or maybe he's having a rough time of it and is clinging to you too much because without his job he doesn't know who he is anymore.

So if you haven't done so already, perhaps you could try this novel idea of communicating and sharing feelings instead of thinking hey, we're married he should just KNOW how to act.

But hey, if you don't like him or love him anymore and you are so irritated by his very presence, then perhaps you should contact a divorce attorney because counseling will just be a waste of time.