Letters to the Editor
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Definitely NPD
I second, third, and fourth the people who say the husband has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I used to have a close friend who did the exact same things - constantly passing off my opinions as her own in front of others, repeating my jokes, always needing to be "better" than me in the eyes of others, etc. She would become increasingly shrill and desperate for attention if I received any attention whatsoever from mutual friends, even if they were my friends to begin with. I laughed it off for many years because I figured, whatever, I can come up with new jokes, so if she wants to repeat my old ones I don't really care.
We were friends for almost 10 years. I finally dumped her when I found out she had been sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back, repeatedly, and had blatantly looked me in the eye and lied about it, repeatedly. And not only that, she was regularly trashing me behind my back with him (yeah, he was a real prize as well, obvs.), and pressuring him to "choose her" and dump me. Despite all that, it was incredibly hard to break things off with her, because I had invested so much time in the relationship and I did see her good qualities despite everything. Her total lack of remorse or empathy was what finally forced me to walk away. Even after all her schemes came out, she was still trying to "prove" that he had "liked her better." She was still trying to win.
Please don't stay with this guy out of guilt or feelings that you've "invested" a certain amount of time in him - cut your losses and get out now. Otherwise you'll find yourself doing the same thing after 10 more years, which will be even worse for you. People like that don't, or can't, change.
In my case, I had met this person when I was 22 and very insecure and shy, and she was seemingly super-confident and loud and attention-getting, so I was comfortable having her take the spotlight so I didn't have to speak for myself or have attention focused on me. As soon as I started to grow up and develop other interests, friends, associations, etc., the conflicts began. This was not a person who was supportive of me in any way, and I couldn't make sense of her rages and mood swings until I started reading up on NPD, about 10 years too late! So basically, it's not you, it's him, and unfortunately the only thing you can really do is cut ties with him as quickly as possible and move on.