Letters to the Editor
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What changed?
Something changed in your world, LW, that allowed you to suddenly see your husband in a different light. Something changed in one or both of you, and your husband is reacting badly to it.
What changed?
I agree with someone else who posted that there's a lot of information that's missing. Does one of you have a disability? Did you start working or get a promotion after years of not being employed? Did one of you lose a job? Did you lose a lot of weight?
Changes in life like those tend to change one's perception of self and/or those around them.
This is what I picture: You two were thick as thieves once upon a time. You were lonely and he supported your ideas. You'd say "Let's climb Mt. Everest!" and he'd say, "I have the rope right here!" But then you started to feel less lonely, more assured. Or maybe you started making more friends. And now you don't say "Let's", but "I'm...". He notices that, so when you mention anything he grabs ahold of it like its his, because you were his, but now you're not.
Maybe he even resents you for slowly and carefully abandoning him. You think its a deficiency in him (which it may be), but have you considered that you've become too self-sufficient to be with him? He tells others that you basically have your flaws and aren't good in some ways so that he can 1. justify why he's worthy of you, and 2. make it not his fault that the relationship is going south.
Something happened. Something shifted, and I think his actions are a way to close the gap. His actions are the result of something, not the cause. I think therapy could work in changing both of your reactions, but if you plan to leave him, I suggest that you make the transition as financially and emotionally independent as you can. Based on what you've said, I don't think its within his nature to be charitable and understanding when you making decisions about your life that will effect him and are out of his control.