Letters to the Editor
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next steps
I think you should take a step back, think about this pattern you describe (along with ultra-specific incidents that illustrate the pattern) and sketch it out on a timeline. It sounds like a dire situation and I think it's entirely necessary for you to build a "pathology report" of sorts in order for you to do the right thing. Your relationship isn't just in an unhealthy state, it's diseased and that disease needs an analysis where you're not just looking at how things are now, but how they came to be this way. Engaging in this process will also help you examine your underlying feelings for this guy. It will probably break your heart to analyze your marriage so coldly and it should. How it breaks your heart is the important question that needs answering. Additionally, I would recommend compiling your knowledge of your husband's parents' marriage, as that will yield clues to where he might be going. He might have had an Archie Bunker dad that dominated his mother irregardless of her capabilities. Their might be a legacy of failure in his family that he isn't prepared to deal with, etc.
From the way you describe things, it sounds like things have been potentially going south from square one. If they have, that's a far cry from a situation where his life fell apart after a bad business deal or a death in the family or some other pivotal turning point. I think the guy probably has problems deeper than a marriage counselor or other professional can readily fix without his honest recognition that he has a problem. You can't fix the arrangement by yourself. Ultimately if it falls on you to fix it, you should probably consider moving on unless you think you'll be happy letting him take credit for all of your ideas for the rest of your life.
Good luck. Stay forgiving, but remember your priority: YOU!