Letters to the Editor
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Laurel, please believe this isn't a pileup
You ask how someone can steal an idea. In writing and other entertainment forms, or in papers, it's called plagiarism. The idea, expressed, becomes intellectual property.
In this case, it's simply a dream. But if you've had the dream for years, and all of a sudden, someone simply grabs it and runs with it with people other than yourself, at the very least, that's MEAN. If the person was inspired by you, good manners, at the very least, would require that person to let you in on the project. And if the person happens to be one's spouse, whether or not s/he is employed full-time, a new venture works 24/7. It's just not nice.
Ever know anyone like this? You get your hair cut; she gets her hair cut. You go buy a dress; she buys the same dress, the same sofa. Or car, or whatever. After awhile, you feel leeched off of.
What this sounds like to me is this: there ARE some people who do that to other people's minds. I'm not diagnosing; I'm not a shrink. But I am saying I have seen this. Two things triggered me: the LW's saying in essence that she's grown to a point where she HAS ideas and visions, and her becoming aware that he was betraying marital confidences to mutual friends. This didn't happen overnight. My guess is that, early on, she took the "fusion" of activities and ideas for love and an end to aloneness. After all, one doesn't marry to sue the person for plagiarism!
Yes, it reminds me of personal experience and that of a couple of friends, and that makes me prick up my ears. But it also just plain skeeves me out.
You are right that shrinks are clearly indicated. But I think you're putting the worst possible spin on the LW's actions. If she goes for a divorce, she won't be destroying a marriage; she'll be shutting down a mental and psychic smorgasbord in which she was the main course.