Letters to the Editor
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Does this man have any redeeming qualities, are their facts left out?
Because frankly, unless you can come up with an astonishing list, of their is a complicated family situation (and even then, do you think this behaviour on a father's part will be good for kids on the receiving end), then I think this relationship sounds way to toxic to continue.
I had a girlfriend who was nuts, a mix of narcisism and borderline personality behaviour (but I am not a shrink and I will not diagnose), and in the end I had to conclude that whatever was good there was outweighed by the bad and abusive behaviour. She may have been ill (indeed I am sure on some level she was even if she could function as a lawyer), but self-preservation became too important.
Go away for a few days, just pack your bags, bring a girlfriend and a male friend or go see them, and discuss the situation. Audit this relationship -- what is there good about it - ask them about his behaviour, especially the guy (and no this is not normal) and when the weekend is over it is time to make a decision -- either
1. an ultimatum to him -- get help! And by the way, here is a list of behaviours, you do them, you will (a) appologize to me in front of the 3rd parties at issue (that is a big threat to a narcisist), (b) you do it more than 3 more times -- I am out of here.
2. go home and end the marriage.
To be honest, I recommend going straight to 2, leave.