Letters to the Editor
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the kicker for me would be him bad-mouthing you
I know it's fashionable to bad-mouth one's spouse, but I've always found it unattractive in others, and my husband and I have an absolute rule against it in our marriage. He doesn't bitch to his friends about the old ball-and-chain and I don't bitch to mine about... well, what I might bitch about is really not an outsider's business, is it? The first agreement we made when we married was that we are on the same side. A marriage can survive almost anything as long as both of you are still on the same side.
Somehow you and your husband have ended up on opposite sides. How did he become your rival? Honestly, you don't sound like a wife with a husband, you sound like a big sister with an annoying little brother.
I have two questions: How long has he been like this, and how long have YOU been like this? Because a certain amount of the problem is you. At some point you stopped regarding his interest in your affairs as flattering and started regarding it as encroachment. I know if I were passionate about helping homeless people, I'd be happy my husband wanted on board. But then, my husband wouldn't be bad-mouthing me to my friends and trying to claim whatever position I had said I wanted, he'd be actually helping me.
I'm loathe to recommend divorce; I believe that in almost all situations, people who loved each other enough to get married in the first place should fight hard to overcome their problems and rediscover what brought them together. I believe learning to overcome marital problems and live together peacefully is a wonderful opportunity to grow. But I think you should divorce this man. He's your enemy. I don't know how he became your enemy, but staying married to your enemy is insane.