Letters to the Editor
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This letter is not worthy of being published
I'm sorry--I'm with the first poster, and I can't believe everyone isn't echoing her sentiments. Why is this letter being published? *Boo hoo. Harvard's too hard and I have too many papers to write and my roommate doesn't like me.* These are not interesting moral or ethical dilemmas. Cary, can you please choose a letter from someone who's not in their actual or metaphorical teens, from someone who actually cares about other people? The most interesting dilemmas have not to do with living up to our own precious specialness but in navigating the thorny terrain between us and other people. (And there are plenty of better examples in your mailbox, I'm sure, than "Boohoo my roommate doesn't like me.")
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Wrong-GO!
Everyone keeps saying Harvard (and someone threw in Yale). But clearly the best Ivy (for undergrad education) is Princeton. And frankly (my wife went there and I have spend a fair amount of time there before meeting her) if you don't like that place the malfunction is yours, not the school's. Also Stanford (my in-laws attended that fine university) will make you work harder than any of the Ivys. So make sure whatever decision you make is informed.
Also, please don't fall into the feeling that you need to do anything for prestige. While you should not throw away the opportunities that Princeton provides, don't feel that if you really need to walk away at this time for your sanity that you cannot do the things you want to in life without that fancy piece of sheepskin (I say this as a graduate of a good but not mind-blowing liberal arts college who is poised to be the highest earning and most professionally satisfied member of my ivy and stanford graduating family as soon as I finish my medical residency). Get on with what you want to do, never let anyone tell you you can't do it, but realize that you will (wherever you go) have to put up with some bull-s**t along the way.
SomeGuy also known as dontheham
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You are not alone!
Dear California Dreaming,
I had an extremely similar experience not so many years ago when I was in college, although the geography was reversed; I went to the top math and science school in the country (which, for the record, is NOT the one in Beantown...), in Southern Cal. I was completely committed to studying physics and making a career in science. And on my very first day there, I stumbled into the shower and cried while the water ran because I knew I had made a terrible, terrible mistake.
I had friends there, but it was not enough. I transferred, and shortly after I started at my shiny new school on the East Coast, I took a semester off. Both were really healthy for me, but if I could've done anything different, I would've taken a whole year off.
When I got back to school, though, at my elite East Coast institution, everything wasn't just alright, because I discovered that physics, and science in general, wasn't what I wanted to do after all. It was the first day of spring semester during my junior year when I realized this; I came into another physics class, sat down, and all I could think was: There are so many other classes I'd rather be taking right now. Transitioning away from physics was harder for me than transferring schools, because it wasn't just some passing aspiration; I'd defined myself by my interest in the field since I was a freshman in high school and read Richard Feynman for fun.
But I switched majors, switched minors, and got involved with theater (which I'd done in high school as well) -- and my senior year of college, finally, ended up being really great, even if I had to shed so much of who I thought I was to get there. You alone know what makes you happy, but it sounds from your letter that perhaps it could be worthwhile to re-evaluate the place of writing -- journalism, editing, creative writing, whatever -- in your life. Maybe there's something else out there that lights your fire, something that involves writing in a whole different way; who knows.
I caught a lot of flak when I transferred, and still more when I switched my major. People will tell you all kinds of things; they will tell you to tough it out, they will tell you that you can't make up your mind, they will tell you that it's just freshman issues that everyone has. And while it's true that the vast, vast majority of college freshman have adjustment issues, some are more serious than others. There's no shame in transferring, nor in taking time off, nor in reconsidering your options in whatever manner you may choose -- that's the mark of a reflective and aware individual, not a flip-flopper. I have a cousin who also transferred (from West Point) and took time off; I have another cousin who was a Harvard boy, hated his freshman year, took a year off, came back, and loved his remaining three years.
There are plenty of options for you, and you will have to look deep into yourself and decide which is right for you. A therapist can be helpful in this. But no matter what anybody says, "toughing it out", not changing anything about your behavior and your surroundings, will not solve anything. Maybe it's as simple as finding an extracurricular that you love (I wish I'd found theater so much sooner); maybe some time off will resolve it all, and you can return to Harvard an assured and happy individual; maybe transferring is the best option. For me, transferring was absolutely the right decision -- it certainly didn't solve everything, but as you were aware enough to note, depression is easier to deal with when you're closer to family, friends, and familiar surroundings, which transferring brought to me.
I wish you the very best of luck in your decision-making. It's not easy, but it will get easier at some eventual point. My one piece of concrete advice, besides trying to make you feel less alone in your experiences, is to try to get out of your head a little bit. For me, the weight of the decisions I was making became occasionally overwhelming; to get outside and go for a run, to volunteer somewhere, or to combine both physical exertion and service with something like Habitat for Humanity helped to clear my head in the moments when I felt most overwhelmed. Stop and smell the roses every now and then, and remember that as tough as these decisions are, and as miserable as you may be, you are still young and talented and you will get through this.
Good luck!