Letters to the Editor
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@dustball
Yes, you're right, we were all 18 once and just as self-absorbed as the LW. But it does get tiresome reading the same letters about the same thing, with only a few minor details changed. And, not that I walked through the snow barefoot to get to class, but, if you can't survive freshman year without a massage and a facial... c'mon.
Talk to your Residence Advisor (or whatever they call it at your school) about the roommate not speaking thing rather than sending emails to strangers. Deal!! Earn some respect.
And I echo the boo-hoo reaction to your 17 papers in a semester plaint. Even if one of them was a whole eight pages long. In my job you need to produce at a rate of 17 papers per month, in between other things. Then most of us go home, cook meals, do the family's laundry, and clean the house.
Those who suggested volunteering somewhere and doing something else besides writing (navel-gazing) are right.
Good luck. I don't hate you. I'm just not that interested in you.
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One other thing
The letters don't need to be about "real" problems (kids starving, people facing imminent death). Most of us don't have "real" problems (and they're pretty hard for Cary to solve, too!). But please, could they at least be about DIFFERENT superficial problems? Like my friend whose husband buys her jewelry she doesn't like. Or my other friend whose cleaning lady hides her clothes.
thank you...
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Freshman blues
LW, much of this goes with the territory of being a freshman, in a new city that is not your home, in a climate that is less than comfortable. The work is harder, you have no friends--most people you meet left friends behind, so everybody is cranky. An academic friend of mine who spends lots of time counseling freshmen says that homesickness, social and adjustment problems are the things that make most of his freshmen miserable, not that they are academically deficient.
It sounds like you've taken on a lot, and you're being really hard on yourself. Ease up. Some suggestions:
Drop down to the minimum courseload, until you feel a little more on top of things. Offload a little of that work, and then try to do well on the rest. Remember that a lot of people don't finish in *exactly* 4 years, and it's better to do well.
As an extra-curricular activity, find an activity that helps you meet people and perhaps provides some exercise. My time in the Northeast was made happier by the times I went cross-country skiing. I am sure there are plenty of hiking clubs, both at school and in your town.
Right now, it's probably good to pass on the extra-curriculars that involve more reading, writing, or any more studying. You can always do this later when you feel your courses are more manageable.
Get as much out of your advisor as you can. This person can help with adjustment issues, and tips on how to work the system at your university. That goes for all your professors--get to know them personally, it helps to break the isolation a bit. If you're lucky you'll find a mentor.
Detach and try to be philosophical about the roommate debacle. This is so, so common. Apologize for any hurt you've caused, and move on. Maybe ex-roomie will get over it eventually, and you'll both laugh about it in 10 years. Or you'll make other friends.
The climate up there is grim--the cultural life compensates. Get out for book readings, musical events, any other sort of cultural life you enjoy. Figure out what is good about the area, and tap into that.
Stop flogging yourself, and recognize you've faced massive change in a short time, and give yourself permission to adjust at your own pace.
and PS: If you plan to work in the publishing/writing world, you will do LOTS of writing. TAke advantage of that great network up there and ask established writers how they handle it. All the best to you.
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Too many letters about the same thing?
I'm sure Cary Tennis has contact information somewhere around here.
If we're looking for variety in this column, it's eventually going to reach its limit. It seems as if the young, educated LWs who write in to complain about the misfortunes of post-adolescence incur more wrath than people with other problems--like in-laws they hate, roommates who are impossible to live with, drug addict relatives, broken/breaking marriages, moving across the country to be with a job or person (we had a heck of a lot of those--how many people complained?), etc.
I know, I know, it's a stage of life most of us would rather forget. I'm not proud of my own self-absorption, and I'd like to believe I'm past that stage. But everyone goes through it, and there's no need to take out one's annoyance with the past on the LW.
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Your first mistake was...
Your first mistake was buying into the fantasy that going to that exclusive ivy-league school was going to give you an advantage in life.
I gotta tell you that this idea is bunk. I understand that its a popular idea at these schools, where the students (and their parents) want to feel like their lives are predestined to be successful. However, its just wrong.
The simple fact is that in the future you will ultimately be judged on your work alone. I could write a long-winded explanation of why this is true, based on my own personal experiences and those of people I know well. However, I'm not. (I need to get back to work.) Suffice it to say that I know plenty of successful people from both elite schools and from state colleges and I also know plenty of professional failures from both too.
The real advantage of going to that ivy league school is that its a good school. They are going to work your lazy, slacker, Californian butt off. They are going to push you very hard so that you are challenged to be better than you thought you could ever be. (I gather from your letter that you have already experienced this phenomenon.) If you stick it out and do reasonably well, you will be a very good writer when you leave.
My advice is to stay where you are. You are a lucky person to be given such an opportunity. Avoid the roommate drama (its just a distraction) and buy a warm coat and some wool socks (try LL Bean).
Good luck!