Letters to the Editor
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yes
I'd like to repeat one of Cary's points, for emphasis: You have a duty not to put up with this sort of treatment. If everyone refused to put up with it, employers would have to start treating workers like human beings. The victims of a bad workplace aren't simple victims; they are colluding. They make everything bad for everyone.
It's not easy at the moment, but it's still possible to live a better life.
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Figure out what you want to do
You will never be happy in a job until you find out what you really want to do. Cary is right about therapists: go to a career counselor and find out what you like to do. GO back to school and train for it. Go to a counselor and find out why you are so anxious and worried.
Having a boss be able to watch video from your home would freak out a lot of people.
Listen to Cary. He's given you a good idea of how to begin. Now you need to find out where to go.
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Was this me??
I could have written this letter myself. My advice? Go get yourself a copy of "Please Understand Me II" by David Keirsey.
I tramped from jobby job to jobby job, hating all of them, and very dissapointed in myself for not being able to keep a job. And, yeah, the family hated it, too. But I've never gotten support from them.
Then I fianlly found out what "personality type" I was, and it has made all the difference. It turns out that it wasn't so much the jobs themselves as the TYPE of work I was doing and my reaction to them was completely normal for my type. I'm idealistic and can't do "sales" jobs. I also get bored easily and will jump around in careers for the rest of my life, it says. (it also said I suffer from muscle tension and likely have tattoos. Nailed it.)
Anyway, it really helped to figure out what KIND of job I should aim for, and now I am very happy and I no longer feel bad about my past- it wasn't that there was something WRONG with me, I just operate differently from other people. Check out the book! (or search online for the Keirsey personality test and take it online.) Good luck!
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I've had some bad jobs, too.
It sounds like you may have been discouraged in the past from trusting your own instincts. I battled what, at the time, I and everybody else assumed was depression. (It was not but that's another long story.) I went to a couple therapists, who more or less told me that my instincts were wrong. That I was mentally ill, so I shouldn't trust my own perceptions.
That was bullshit.
Of course everybody has right instincts and wrong instincts, and the trick is keeping track of which is which. Did you have bad feelings about the job interviews? And the jobs turned out badly? Start keeping track of what you felt at the interview and ignored that ultimately turned out to be true.
I've had some horrible, miserable jobs that it took me too long to leave because I was so scared of not having a job at all, or because I had no idea what my actual skills were. But in none of those cases could I look back at the job interview and honestly say there were no signs of what was to come. There was *something* that set me on edge, something I felt wasn't right in the way I was spoken to, or in the way things were explained. I knew. I just didn't want to listen because I wanted to succeed and I thought I could make everything right.
I learned better.
As for actual job advice...I've done temp work for a while to fill in gaps in freelancing, and it's been great. Most of the work--receptionist or typist for a couple of days--is incredibly easy, you get a peek into a variety of workplaces and industries, you figure out fast what kind of mundane/survival/office skills you never knew you had or can learn quickly, and which you don't. Ask around in your area for a temp agency that's friendly to people who are figuring out what they want to do.
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Old Time Analogy
About the mid-1980s, we had no internet yet. But the company I worked for had a great proto-e-mail system. (It turns out my now-wife and her boss invented it, but that is a topic for another day.)
Anyway, it turned out that this verge-of-bankruptcy company paid one of my colleagues to read all the proto-e-mail, "just in case." Arrrgh!!!!
And! I got criticized for some great thing I wrote to our great sales people in Dallas. It was great, but it was not what the boss wanted.
The company went belly-up soon afterward, and the Dalls people went on to great stuff, and so did I. The Moral:
Your bosses usually are dangerous idiots. Run fast. Get away from them.
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Search for Self Never Stops
Cary's advice is all right as far as it goes. But there are some practical things that can be done, and temping is certainly one of them.
I've just turned 55 and am in a job that's suited for me in some areas (proofreading and other document "processing") but not others (boring clerical matters). It pays me decently, is only a few miles away, has some flexibility, and allows my sons to be on my employer-subsidized health care plan. All very important.
However...for the last couple of years, I've also been a volunteer publicity director for a local orchestra. It's struggling right now, and I've had fun with being creative with publicity, but also found that I've had to raise money. I never thought I could do it, but I recently wrote and sent out a letter asking friends and city officials for modest sums, and have so far received a fairly decent response. I've realized that I can really do this, i.e., ask for money and get some, which is understandably not everyone's cup of tea.
This has led me to the cusp of developing a five-year plan for myself (I'm older and better situated--LW can move on matters more immediately), which entails exploring professional publicity and fundraising positions in the area. As time goes on, I'll develop more experience with the orchestra (hopefully they'll be able to pay me, but I'm not banking on that), which will enhance my credentials and bolster my resume.
I feel like, at this age, I still haven't discovered who I "really" am and what I'm capable of. But this only makes life more interesting.
So...by all means, LW, temp around, seek out career counseling, try to volunteer for a cause that interests you and to which you'd like to contribute your skills and talents. If you're smart and willing to work and take initiative, there's no reason to settle for jobs with abhorrent jerks for bosses who see you as nothing more than a money-making automaton.
Once you discover what your real talents are, if you get a position in which you have the satisfaction of using them, the stress (which every job has, to be realistic) won't seem like such an obstacle, because you'll be authentic to yourself and your work, and your pride in what you do will, hopefully, outweigh the pressures.
Good luck!