Letters to the Editor
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Can only speak for myself
I would never have made a "conscious" choice be born or to have children. But actions speak louder than words, and I had 3. Now have 2 grandchildren. Their existence is by far the most rewarding (and redeeming) thing in my life, and I'm positive the world is and will continue to be a better place by their being here. Not bad for a guy who grew up with a mentally ill mother and an emotionally absent father and frequently wished he'd never been born.
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What's so great about being alive?
LW, I'm not sure whether you should have a child or not, but if you choose to start a family, by adoption or otherwise, I think there is some soul-searching that you need to do.
What is it that you love (if there is something?) about being alive? What is it that you want to share with a child? Because, make no mistake, your child will pick up on your feelings about life in a big way.
This morning just after sunrise I took an early walk to the beach, and watched as the Canada Geese flew back upriver from the sea. They flew directly above me, honking like mad, in their ragged V's. The fog was lifting and the light was ethereal on the water.
That is one thing I love about being alive. That is one thing I will share with a child.
My mother used to sit at the kitchen table in the evenings, She would talk about how she loved the silhouettes of trees against the sky, especially in winter. I'll always remember that. It's not about the trees exactly. It's that she taught me to look for beauty, and to appreciate it.
Things get tough, things get sad, our lives can go terribly wrong in all kinds of ways. But you have to figure out for yourself whether you do love life in some way, whether inside you there is still some fragile "Yes." Your desire for a child tells me there is.
Finding this Yes will help you to know what to do.
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how can one imagine herself to be so powerful?
we really don't "know" so many things in life. we can adopt the attitude that life is a gift. even our challenges are gifts to us. I think the healthiest tact to take is immense gratitude for life.
it is not about the potential parents (get over yourselves!). it is about life's "yearning to exist".
to be parents who guide their child(ren) in a healthy way, we need to set boundaries. we must not think that any of the challenges in our childrens' lives (no matter how painful they may feel)merit our "fixing". we come to earth to learn.
each and every one of us. it doesn't have to be easy (never really is). mistakes we make only encourage us to be stronger and move further along the path.
listen to your truth. follow you heart. be humble.
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Beside a Child in a Broken World
Those of you expressing concern about if you should bring a baby into our complex and challenging world might enjoy the 2007 Pulitzer Prize winner The Road. It is the tale of an anonymous man and his young son traversing a post-apocalyptic America. It's not a happy book, but it has a positive message. There are moments when the man questions his own existence, the existence of his child, the future his boy will face on a dead planet. There are also moments of profound wonder, meaning, and beauty. It's a great look at the philosophical and ethical questions you're facing.
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commendable question
Don't do it.
Thank you so much for considering this. Having a baby is like signing someone's name to a contract they haven't had a chance to read. For some, life sure is a gift. For others, it's a daily torture. Did you ever feel like you're in a jigsaw puzzle, looking like the other pieces, but there's no place for you to fit? Life isn't an e-ticket ride. My parents loved me growing up, wanted me, did the best they could, but in the end, weren't really suited for everything bringing a human being from infancy to adulthood required. Or this human. But I'm here, and I can't do anything about it. I don't fit in. I look like I should, but I don't, never have, and I feel every day the consequences of having to deal most intimately with a species I fundamentally don't understand, that doesn't (and isn't obligated to) understand me. The trees are nice, blossoms in spring, dog kisses, dew on the grass, the smell of baking bread, the smell of damp woods. These are all wonderful things. But that's not what's going on most of the time. Most of the time just getting through the day is painful, draining. I wish my mother had miscarried before she knew she was pregnant. If you do have a child, understand that you're doing it for yourself, not for him or her. Life might be a gift for some, but for others it won't be, and there's no way to know in advance which way that fate is going to fall. Don't have a child. The world will not be a worse place for you declining to add to its human numbers. I commend you for considering the question.
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@lulu1967
Thank you for your posts. I, too, wish people demonstrated more kindness online. It seems to me that the people who respond to SYA articles are more thoughtful about what they write than folks are elsewhere on the Internet, though.
I wish you all the best with your decision about having children. I have several health conditions that could be exacerbated by pregnancy, and/or make it more likely that a baby would have health problems. After considering my medical and family history, I've decided not to have kids. This is a valid choice. There are other ways to have a positive impact on the world besides having (or adopting) children.
If you decide to go ahead and have a child, I hope you'll remember that every parent messes up somehow, and forgive yourself for your mistakes and weaknesses. Nobody's perfect.