I quit wallowing in self pity because I couldn't do it without a drink in my hand.

It was either that or quit drinking...

Cary that was one of the best answers of yours I have ever read. Good luck lw and take care of yourself. You deserve it.

I hear ya. I'm about your age, and I am creative, and I think too much too. And I drink in a way that's probably not clearing the channels to my best creative expression. Oh, and I'm a first born who was always good at stuff, etc. I get it.

The first step, I think, is letting the idealism/perfectionism slip into defeat and then into humility. Then you can do one or two things, and let those things rise. Choose something, music or writing or whatever, and be patient. And then, do a physical thing, for sanity, as a substitute for medication. I don't, in my extremely unexpert opinion, think you are clinically in need of drugs, as I agree they might muffle your expression. But if we lazies could get it together to walk a mile each day, I swear things would feel very different. If you try it, I will.

Then use your new humility/simplicity muscle to do the one thing, whatever it is, and have a little peace around the fact that you are doing something creative, something that honors that part of you, that huge, defining part of you.

Long story short, start small. Stop overthinking your failures. Stop analyzing yourself up a tree. You're good, and smart; people like you...seriously though, I have a hunch you're quite hard on yourself. Get basic, get kind to yourself. And take a walk. Once you do a small thing like that, new sunbeams will start to mark their little streets across your vision. You'll feel a little more possible, a little more capable, a little bit proud of yourself. You're not far.

He's been there, done that, and gotten the tee-shirt. Any other postings here (including mine) pale in comparison. Take the man's advice.

Cary has talked before about the "inner life of symbols" and here it came up again. That's a great expression and something a person could spend a long time thinking about.

Another thing stuck with me in this response. Cary talked about carrying "your stuff" around with you to the store after you stop drinking or taking drugs. He's right, that stuff is heavy, and it can take a long time to go away.

Great letter & response. I've been a functioning working musician most of my adult life now, with varying ups & downs in the pot & alcohol dept., mostly a very light user of both. However, I've suspected that there could be a higher reality to my life if I could break through and move beyond those barriers (pot & alcohol). Taking it one step at a time, I just quit cigarettes 2 months ago and haven't looked back...maybe I can continue to "evolve." This letter was helpful. Thanks to the lw and Mr. Tennis.

Let me see if I understand the situation: You liked being a musician and you were good enough to make a living at it, but you gave it up because you were drinking and doing drugs too much. Now, you have a job you don't like, and you're still drinking and doing drugs too much.

So ... I think .... you should go back to being a musician. You know now that being a musician isn't what caused those problems.

And at least you'll like your job.

Brilliant response - and this coming from someone who could completely empathize with the letter writer.

Researchers at Stanford have discovered that it is a bad idea to tell children they are gifted and naturally smart because that will lead them to perfectionism, an inability to work hard to solve a difficult problem and/or try something new and challenging . Rather than just tell a child how smart he/she is, you are now supposed to praise them for their dedication, perseverance, willingness to try again, willingness to learn something new, practice, work hard, not give up. Etc.

LW, the way you describe yourself, you maybe fit that theory. Your parents just told you were gifted and as a kid you made it a point to pursue anything that came easy to you and avoid the challenging stuff that might prove them wrong and make you look average. You got hooked on the accolades and now are floundering without them.

Well, you are no longer in school and no longer in the genius competition. You are just an ordinary joe living your life and self-medicating because no one is praising you anymore. You want recognition for your talents but fame only comes to those who sell out or market themselves and their art aggressively (or die and become famous posthumously).

You are 31, you seem to want to grow up, so why not just grow up. Put down the bong and save the six-pack for Friday night happy hour.

Pick something you love, either music or teaching or teaching music, or whatever, and stick with it until you push through the wall of it being a pain in the ass way to spend your time. Once you push through the wall of it being a drag, you may find that you have, without realizing it, become a master craftsman. Then you can take some genuine pride in achieving something that didn't come easy to you.

And if the urban schools have burned you out, go take a cake job in the suburbs and help some misguided genius kids find their own way in the world. If you are good at teaching and care about your students, there will be accolades, small private wonderful accolades like a kid inviting you to join their facebook network 10 years after graduating just because they thought you were that cool and influential back in the day.

Give yourself credit for not yet involving yourself in some elaborate, complicated life: You have no kids yet, not even a wife.

Try for simplicity in the rest of your life, and aim for humility, as a previous poster wrote. Starting now, at age 31, people will envy your simplicity and humility. Even hot-shots will come around, and start to think of of you as the coolest guy in town. And beautiful women will desire you, because of your simplicity (you might say because of your failure).

Just stay within yourself. Only drink when somebody buys you a drink. Otherwise, drink coffee. Just smile and pass joints along without toking.

Have some humble job, where the boss is glad to have you. Take a community college music theory course, and have the teacher appreciate such a great, calm, grown-up student. Maybe you can teach that course next year. If you want to be a musician, you need a place to practice and rehearse. Drums? Maybe hard to find a place. Guitar? Anywhere.

The world is not at all as your parents told you it would be. And not at all as you expected it to be. That is an insight, and a truth to put you more at ease with what you now consider your failure. You have not failed. You are only 31, and you have kept free from the preconceptions and obligations that might drag you down.

Stay within yourself as you are now. Let others come to you. You will find pride in, and get respect for humility. Paradox. Holy paradox.