Letters to the Editor
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Loud and clear
I hear ya. I'm about your age, and I am creative, and I think too much too. And I drink in a way that's probably not clearing the channels to my best creative expression. Oh, and I'm a first born who was always good at stuff, etc. I get it.
The first step, I think, is letting the idealism/perfectionism slip into defeat and then into humility. Then you can do one or two things, and let those things rise. Choose something, music or writing or whatever, and be patient. And then, do a physical thing, for sanity, as a substitute for medication. I don't, in my extremely unexpert opinion, think you are clinically in need of drugs, as I agree they might muffle your expression. But if we lazies could get it together to walk a mile each day, I swear things would feel very different. If you try it, I will.
Then use your new humility/simplicity muscle to do the one thing, whatever it is, and have a little peace around the fact that you are doing something creative, something that honors that part of you, that huge, defining part of you.
Long story short, start small. Stop overthinking your failures. Stop analyzing yourself up a tree. You're good, and smart; people like you...seriously though, I have a hunch you're quite hard on yourself. Get basic, get kind to yourself. And take a walk. Once you do a small thing like that, new sunbeams will start to mark their little streets across your vision. You'll feel a little more possible, a little more capable, a little bit proud of yourself. You're not far.