What kind of life do you want? Not just your job, but how do you see yourself living ten years from now, twenty years from now. Do you see yourself having a family? Working long hours as a doctor? How do you imagine spending your time?

If you really love your career and want to devote yourself to it, that may mean sacrifices in terms of time with your family, if you want to have children in the future. If you marry someone with the same priorities, you might have more in common, but you'll also do a lot more juggling and struggling to fit everything in. On the other hand, if you spend your life with someone whose career is less driven than yours, you may be able to balance home and family more easily. (It's not as if he's working at McDonalds and playing video games in his parents' basement, at least by your description - he seems responsible, just not that involved in his career.)

Maybe this isn't your vision of the future. Maybe you want something different. But think about what you want out of life and how this guy might fit into your vision of the future. Not just about what you would do if you were in his place. One of my friends from graduate school married a guy who works a seasonal blue collar job. His approach to his career is completely different from hers - for him, it's just a job - but their life is really happy, partly because they balance each other.

LW-- consider that you are still in school, and have not yet experienced the grinding demands of your medical residency, followed by the balancing act you will be required to maintain should you decide to have some children. If you are fortunate, you will emerge from your education debt-free, but if you have debt, that will certainly add a layer of stress to your life.

Your career will be very challenging and demanding in ways that you and your parents could not have anticipated. You will earn more money, and deal with more complex and meaningful problems in the course of your day than you would in a non-professional gig, but you may also come to realize that the average, ordinary 9-5 jobber (assuming he or she makes enough to make the rent) has a life that is considerably less stressful and complicated-- and perhaps in some ways happier. Weekends can be enjoyed, for example. Dinners with friends can be experienced without interruptions. Hobbies can be tended to without guilt.

I think you connect with your boyfriend precisely because he is less ambitious. He gives you an outlet, a place to let your hair down and stop being so serious and driven. He isn't in a competition with you and isn't trying to prove that he is smarter or more accomplished than you.

Your parents do not have the same level of education as you, yet they raised you beautifully and gave you your first experience of what it feels like to be around people who love you. So, perhaps less educated people are more comfortable for you to spend time with.

This man with the government job, with the government benefits and promise of a steady pension down the road-- does he get to leave work at 5 p.m. each day? That is a bonus if you might want to have kids with him-- he can be the one to pick them up from daycare and get dinner started so you don't have to feel guilty and stressed when you have to work late. There are worthy ambitions and goals that have nothing to do with obtaining professional degrees or high-status jobs, and have everything to do with enjoying a good life.

If you love him, love him for who he is and respect that his ambitions have nothing to do with his career. Appreciate what he has to offer, and consider whether he could be your helpmate in life. Think about what life could be like with him now and ten years from now, and how that life would be different if he were more career-obsessed or even a workaholic to the extreme.

It sounds like he is wonderful just the way he is, and his approach to life might be a great balance to yours. It sounds like he has enough intelligence to hold his own with you, even if he doesn't have the education.

However, you will need to do a lot of self analysis if you think this might be a relationship you want to pursue long term. It sounds like he has found a way to be content with life, without ambition. Ambition may come, but it likely will not. I've seen divorces happen because of this discrepency. You cannot expect him to change. What will have to change is your ability to accept, and appreciate, what he can bring because of his approach to life.

As long as he can support himself it is not wrong that he doesn't have ambition. Contentment is a great gift. If you can't see yourself agreeing with those statements, neither of you will be happy long term.

By the way, I think counseling can be VERY helpful in sorting this out for yourself.

There really IS more to life than money. You think you've learned that lesson, but you haven't. You don't respect this guy because he isn't interested in what you call "making the most of himself" but what really means "making as much money as possible". Don't feel bad - growing up with that message sets in very, very deeply. But don't throw away your love in favor of a little extra money, either.

He might not be letting his life slip by without even trying. This is a strange time in America. Since the age of 17 (10 years ago) I've said that I think immigrants have a perspective that Americans take for granted (the same perspective you mentioned). I live in Detroit and remember in 2002 looking out the window of my apartment in Las Vegas, NV, thinking about the Bush administration and what they would do - and have done - to our country and knowing exactly what it feels like to be sitting in a bomb shelter. And I remember the next presidential election, being tired, feeling defeated and worn out, and going to bed before all the votes were in. I woke up the next morning, went upstairs, asked who won, heard the answer, went downstairs and went back to bed. In reality, I only slept for another 4 hours, but in my head, I was going back to bed for another 4 years.

You don't talk much about what it is about your boyfriend that makes him he person you Love, but it's worth mentioning that on at least three occasions since the most recent election, I've had a modicum of cultural success and at the end of the day, I made a decision similar to your boyfriends. I take the collection calls from DTE and drive a car without insurance because I realized that if no one was going to have my back (economically), it was better to hedge my bets and for the time being (as a white male who came of age in a Norman Rockwell neighborhood during the Bill Clinton administration) be thankful for what I have.

It's the first couple days of spring here and I'm sure I'll regret saying this the next time it's 70 degrees and sunny in the Mission District (or on Capitol Hill) and -15 and snowing in Detroit, but Oprah hasn't sent me a free car, Cole hasn't offered me a place to stay if I get evicted, Walsh hasn't said "I was wrong," Tyler Green seems petty, and Obama and Kamiya haven't said "Thank you." But (but) I delivered some speakers to a guy living in a "double-wide" outside of Ypsilanti, MI the other day and he tipped me $15. A part of me feels like I spent that on gas so I could go sing with a band that makes music I love (myspace.com/crashcitysaints) and a part of me feels like it paid for the following:

When I was 14/15 yrs. old, I had a high school science teacher I was friends with - I'd go to Keb Mo shows with him and stuff like that. His father was on the board at Hope College (fine examples of alumni being Sufjan Stevens and Pete Hoekstra - who's communications director I last saw in Steve Wallace's kitchen and as of last August, apparently still goes to Morrissey concerts). He was the sort of science teacher who refused to teach evolution - much like Eric Prinz and the Van Andel and Devos families, he was very much the product of his environment. And one day, he asked me to come to see him after class. I thought maybe I was in trouble (which was an awkward situation in light of the dynamic of our relationship). I sat down and he said, "I can't talk about this with anyone else, but... Mike, I'm a drug addict." I started laughing because I thought he was referring to his Ritalin prescription and told him so. He then explained to me that his wife had found his marijuana stash.

I don't remember what followed (DTE and the Vatican have the same area code and I'm too busy to check my voice mail), but the conversation ended by Scott explaining to me...

You don't talk much about your boyfriend other than the traits you love about him (you don't mention what he does that's made him the way he is). But if you decide to hedge your bets and count on The Beau's salary being enough to get you through a maternity leave (I have a very nice female friend in law school I regularly discuss this sort of thing with), never forget why you decided the grass isn't really greener on the other side (such as the PhD beau you mentioned).

And if you decide to ditch the seemingly underambitious boyfriend (who may remember his parents' ups-and-downs through the 80's and 90's, not to mention his grandparents' stories about the depression-present), we live in an up-and-down, self-righteous nation with little appreciation for integrity. Hedging your bets and sacrificing your well-being for the sake of your future needs (tomorrow is a new day) might pay off.

But, the last thing Mr.Cole told me (I promised not to tell anyone, but it's been 12 years now) is, "At the end of the day, when all is said-and-done, the only thing in this world that really matters is who you love and who loves you."

Again, someday, when the mood of the world is drifting on a different tide, I might regret this "Big Black Arrow." But Mr.Tennis' advice is a little off. In this day and age, the world has led me to believe there's a difference between cultural success and economic success (the lack of which is very discomforting on April 8th, 2008). And as someone fascinated with America (and how prone we are to putting ourselves at The Mercy of Now), I can say that no matter what you decide to do, you should tread lightly, because whether it's tomorrow or 20 years from now, in spite of the logistics surrounding being a mother, the thing you might need most is someone who appreciates the fact that you love them.

Simply put, the person you have no doubt loves you.