Letters to the Editor
-
One-Dimensional BF? Probably Not.
"It bothers me that he has been gifted with health, and a sound mind, a good supportive family, and he doesn't want to make the best of it."
The best of what? LW focuses on the BF's job and apparent lack of ambition. But does he do anything else? Does he have a day job so that he can pursue other interests, passions, like music, art, community volunteer work that wouldn't pay well professionally? Is he happy enough so that he can pay the bills and enjoy other parts of his life? Is that such a bad thing? Is he socking some money away to start his own family and/or have some security in later years?
LW's description is very limited. There are guys who can have a safe, boring job because they're boring, unambitious people. But, as stated above, there are others who use their paycheck to fuel "extracurricular" activities, the kinds that make them interesting, dynamic, and fun people. In this case, the job doesn't speak to their shallowness; it's another responsible way to approach life.
If BF's situation continually nags at LW, if she's consistently uncomfortable with it, then she may never muster the respect and affection required of a long-term relationship. But if BF is a man who has in common with her some very important values, and they're compatible in numerous ways, then maybe she can take a step back and take stock of who he really is and what she admires about him.
If, at bottom, she doesn't really respect him, then it's a done deal. She oughtn't make a commitment to someone who she can't speak of proudly in private and public. If she has to force herself to think well of him, it will never work--and he'll certainly recognize her resentment in time, if he hasn't already.
LW is certainly young enough to allow herself to meet other people. Sometimes we have to be in a different stage of life (i.e., older) to acknowledge what compatibility really means to us (more than just laughing and agreeing, although they're good things).
LW, make a list (really), think about the pros and cons. If you can't conclude that he's a man you admire and want to proudly and comfortably introduce to others with no excuses or apology, then you ought to let him go so that he can find a woman with whom he can have reciprocal affectionate and respectful feelings without condescension on either side.