Letters to the Editor
-
First: Change the Locks!
"You acted in a sensible, compassionate way, and now you are in a mess." Cary, are you kidding? What was sensible about letting this guy back into her life?
I don't think she ought to go into a whole legal schpiel up front. I think she should find--or create--an opportunity for him to leave the house/apt and then just change the locks! And don't let him back in! Eviction, schmeviction. Her safety needs to come first, without delay. If he bangs on the door, call the cops. If he has the wherewithal, he can attempt to take legal action against her after the fact. She can deal with that then, and probably won't be given a hard time. But chances are he won't be able to. It's a sort of "shoot first, ask questions later" deal.
She should take immediate self-protective action without apology. LW, honey, you gotta let go of this guy. Like, forever. And do what Cary said about wising up to signs of alcoholism/drug abuse in others, and how to avoid them. Get help figuring out why you're attracted/sympathetic toward such a person, and how to move on and get more appropriate, productive people into your life.
Hard as it may be, you've got to write this guy off. You can be compassionate at a distance, wish him best of luck, and so on. But you've got to steel yourself against destructive (and self-destructive) behavior that will only lead you to live, unneccessarily, a miserable life.
What do you really, really want for yourself? Can you achieve that by enabling, catering to, and coddling alcoholics? The guy needs professional help, and it's a shame that our society doesn't have adequate health care for all. But you can't take the place of the pros.
Look after yourself, first and foremost. You're no good to anyone, especially yourself, if you don't get your head and your priorities straight and live your life in a way that's gratifying and productive.
No guilt!
Change the locks! Now!