Letters to the Editor
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Priest's blessing is a good idea
Get a blessing from your MIL's priest. And if you are religious, get one from your's as well.
If you feel like getting in a barb, ask her priest to offer her a blessing as well. Sounds like she could use one.
Get couples counseling. You need to cut off contact with MIL, but not let that decision be a wedge your relationship. A marriage counselor can help with that.
We got counseling when cutting off contact with my wife's biological father. This was about nine years into our marriage. Our first baby was ~18 months old. When she told him we were going to have a second, the drunkard asked if she was going to get an abortion. Many tears followed. That was the last contact at my insistence.
The professional help was important to work through that transition. And sounds like there is a significant relationship between your husband and your MIL that needs to be worked on. Don't let it be a battle between you and him, have the counselor help your husband realize what needs to be done.
And Move. Far enough away that MIL isn't willing to visit.
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Pfffffft. Greek curses? Priest's blessing? Face spitting?
What the Hell is going on here?
Why should the daughter-in-law go out of her way to indulge this bullshit? It only give the MIL more power over her.
The MIL deserves a swift boot up the ass, but since that probably isn't appropriate, leaving the old bitch alone would be a good start. Moving away from this madness before it infects your children is another good idea. Sounds like you're already lost, LW. Think of your kids.
Using the "Greek" excuse is horseshit frankly. This is America, and the 21st century. The immigrant parents may not realize this, but the next generation sure as hell does.
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@ Sally the Werewolf
I didn't say I don't believe things like this happen. I'm aware that plenty of people are steeped in this kind of superstition. I said this letter reads like a parody, and I believe it is a total crock. The bit about the LW doing all the cooking, cleaning, etc., pushed it too far over the top.
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CERCA TE ANDATO, STREGA!
"CERCA TE ANDATO, STREGA!" Or, "Get Thee Gone, Witch!" This command said with the thumb protruding folded between the index and middle fingers, the whole fist pointed at the offending mother-in-law in the "sign of the fig", a means of warding off the "evil eye" and curse emanating from the bloodshot orb of the haggish harridan witch mother-in-law!!!!!
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Some people need to lighten up
The LW wants something to lift it. The heavy duty kill-joys here are all posting " how dare you validate superstition and fantasy! How dare you give this person remedies?" Well, because it's fun is the first reason. The vision of the consternation on the old lady's face when she is stripped of her "supernatural" power by priest or mojo is funny. Different cultures' methods of dealing with this is interesting. Humorless people screaming "always rational" remind me of the people who tell kids that there is no Santa.
Earnesttly explaining to MIL that she's crazy is NOT going to work. That woman will only respect stronger mojo.
I have loved this thread. I haven't thought of voodoo in a long time.
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My two drachmas
Another Greek-American chiming in here. First, to those of you who are skeptical, I don't find anything unbelievable about the scenario LW described. In the small village that my family came from in northern Greece there was an unspoken tradition that mother-in-laws had to make their daughter-in-laws lives miserable. I heard stories over the years about these behaviors that would make your toes curl. I don't know if this tradition was specific to our region or also native to other parts of Greece as well, but the MIL here is very familiar. Yes, they would indeed have an opinion about her hair, because any attention to it suggests attention to herself, not others. And yes, even not living with them, they would have expectations of the LW doing laundry, chores, etc. For many Greeks of that generation and isolation, your value as a woman is measured only by your housekeeping, cooking, and servitude skills and the most valuable -nay the only - characteristics you could have were extreme modesty, quietness and complete servitude to the needs of others and disregard for your own. (Despite a relatively egalitarian marriage, my mother to this day still bows her head and speaks quietly when she talks to anyone outside our immediate family. And the scorn that was vocally heaped on women who showed any spine or opinion - I still remember the comments to this day.) The life proscribed (prescribed?) for Greek women in these particular environments is a truly hellacious one, and it is what is expected of the LW - even more so because she is not Greek. I escaped as soon as I could, moving far away from Cleveland and the families that would have dicated my life there.
With that background - my advice, which echoes others: Go to the priest mainly because it might make you feel better and a blessing is never a bad thing. But I wouldn't necessarily burden him with the whole story. Just ask for the blessing which he should gladly do for no particular reason. And yes, do be prepared to make a small gift to the church. Second, as the other Greek-American earlier said, do distance yourself from them as much as you can. You really cannot change them nor will you change their opinion of you or their behavior towards you. It has been one of the more difficult lessons of my adult life. No lessons of psychology and human nature, no reasoning, no pleas for kindness will do any good. It is OK to keep you and your own family safe from them. Now unlike the other Greek-American writer, I'm not sure you need to be prepared to take care of them when they get older. Yes, you will be expected to put all of the agony and hurt behind you and be the good caregiver when they need you, and to take their abuse (and they will abuse you - even as you empty their bedpans - I watched my grandmother do this to my mother). And perhaps, the most generous and forgiving among us can and will do that. But I don't think it's a given and you should only do what you think you can for two people who really have absolutely no regard for you and probably never will. Good luck. And don't let these people color your opinions of interactions with Greeks. We're as varied as any other group. Oh, a great movie to see to get a bit of a sense of the dynamic you are experiencing is "Stella" with Melina Mercouri. It does have a tragic ending, so don't treat it as a lesson. But it might give you a sense of this particular environment you are up against. It's one of my favorites.