Letters to the Editor
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Curses
This woman reminds me of the ancient, shrunken, black-clad women of Zorba the Greek (played by actual citizens of the island). Old beliefs like this die hard. But it's fatal to play into them. Maybe literally. I took an anthropology course once in which we learned that if someone believes in a curse with total conviction, they can actually die from it.
Yes, this is a curse, in the more colloquial sense of something that has blighted the LW's life. But the paragraph about her doing their laundry and ironing and not being allowed to change her hair is either hoax-y (really hard to believe: would a grown woman do this for people who hate and revile her?), or a sign of extreme doormat-hood that COULD eventually prove fatal. This sort of constant oppression can trigger severe illness of all kinds, including deep depression and despair out of a sense of helplessness.
Is it a real curse? I'd say you're in trouble, because your individuality is being steadily worn down. And in the final analysis, what else do we have? There is only one of you in all the world. That one is being systematically destroyed by vindictive, malicious people. Hard as this is, you have to get away from them before it's too late. If your husband doesn't understand this and insists you stay on board, then he's as bad as the rest of them.
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has she changed?
Has she always been like this? If she didn't used to be nasty, perhaps she had a minor stroke or something. A friend of the family had a brain tumor and went from being lovely to everyone to making loud racist comments. Something just got screwed up in her brain and changed her personality.
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OH THE HELL WITH THEM!
Do your own curse, Honey, without the spitting of course. And tell them to take a flying leap. Don't they have other relatives to terrorize?
And why are you doing these people's laundry? Anybody who spits in the face of another person - Greek or not - is wacked and deserves to be dropped like a hot potato - or gyro.
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Cursed is as cursed does.
If you were really cursed by this mother-in-law, you'd have a really crappy marriage. That's what happened to my mom and dad, and it didn't even require sputum.
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Use your own tactics
I don't relate to superstition but I can understand the power of family regard when they are in close proximity. Superstition is clearly very important to you and you cherish it enough to play superstition games with your MIL. I'm sorry you can't see the silliness of it in a flash of insight and move on. But I'm encouraged by the fact that you've taken a huge step and stopped being MIL's housemaid. It's time for another huge step, which is for your superstitions to run your household, leaving MIL's superstitions to have impact only at her house (please tell me you do NOT live with them!). So, what are your superstitions? Work with them. Get a solution under YOUR supersitious umbrella. By all means get a GO priest's blessing if you want to deal with MIL's curse on her territory. But then place your own protective charms around your home, and make your supersitions reign in your territory. Let your husband see and feel it. Ideally that would give you a mental shield against your MIL. A weird, short, unintelligble chant for each time she's nasty, to be explained if necessary as you inteceding with God so she doesn't go to hell for her blasphemy against the teachings of Christ, wouldn't hurt either and will further put power in your court.
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Dealing with curses- Southeastern Louisiana method
Coming from South eastern Louisiana and being Catholic, I remember remedies for curses. One is salt. Clean the doorsteps and stoops with salt.
The other is mojo. Sew a small bag of linen or velvet. Fill it with thyme, oregano, basil, and cayenne. If you have some of MIL's hair or something she wore, pull a few threads and put it in there too. (Some people put menstrual blood in it, but not all).Put a little holy water in it, and seal it up. Then you say the Lord's Prayer on it, and you ask for the Lord to lift the curses and bring you good things. nail it above an entranceway.
The other is the candle trick. You need a black candle. On a piece of paper, write the MIL's name and the curse. Use a big pin to pin it to the candle. Burn the candle. WHen it burns down to the paper and the paper burns, curse is gone. Keep fire extinguisher handy.
Yeah, I'm Creole, and there's a hoodoo in the family. DOn't ask me how I know this one.
This works for Roman, greeak Orthodox, and Russian Orthodox (as well as the stray Baptist) where I'm from.
Good luck, LW. I'll light a St. Jude's candle for you. That should take care of it.
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Curses
If you really believe in curses then nothing can be done for you. Fairy tales are best left behind with childhood.
You might want to think about what affect this will have on your children. Belief in curses, astrology, bad luck from a broken mirror will not help them turn in to healthy and smart adults, it will stunt them. Do you really want them to see their main example of adulthood as the sort of superstitious person who is petrified by a "curse"?
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@ Allie_ (Let's stop validating this curse)
I agree with Allie 100%, and I think her letter deserves a red star. I'm really surprised to find all the other letters on here that seem to take LW's curse seriously, or at least validate her belief in it. "I personally don't believe in curses, but...here's a ritual to lift it and make you feel better...."
While berating and belittling the LW herself would be mean and obnoxious - not to mention counterproductive - the belief that curses and superstitions have ANY inherent power whatsoever needs to be attacked full-force. These old superstitions have NO power in and of themselves. Saying mean things to someone and spitting on them just doesn't have the power to change the future. This is why a curse cannot possibly work on someone who doesn't believe in curses.
My husband is Indian and a dedicated member of the Indian Rationalist Association, an organization dedicated to promoting science and critical thinking while debunking superstitions. A recent newsletter told the story of a prominent Indian politician who had attributed many of her personal difficulties to having been cursed by a Tantrick, using black magic. After this incident, there was a rise in hysteria around curses and black magic and such. The president of the Rationalist Association then challenged that same Tantrik to curse him on national TV. The Tantrik accepted the offer. So...on live TV, the magician set up all his materials and began to chant and curse the Rationalist guy. Nothing happened. He wanted more time....more chanting and cursing....nothing happened. So, then the Tantrik eventually said that the Rationalist's gods were protecting him. The rationlist then said that he's an atheist. The cursing continued later that night in another ceremony that was supposed to kill the guy within 3 minutes. After another half hour, nothing happened, and the guy was obviously really amused. You can see this whole episode on You Tube if you copy and paste this link into your browser. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNoX0XKUZlk
It's in Hindi, but you can figure out what's going on even if you can't understand a word. I'm telling this story and sharing the link because I applaud the idea of debunking these dangerous superstitions. People can literally scare themselves to death thinking they've been cursed, and the people who do the cursing are weilding a ridiculous amount of *artificial* power over those who believe.
LW: Your MIL's power over you has nothing to do with her curse and everything to do with your belief in it and a lack of confidence in yourself. Her curse has no power over you other than the power you give it. Stand up to her. If she doesn't treat you better, cut this toxic person out of your life. And tell your husband that he also needs to grow a spine.