Letters to the Editor
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Greek Schmeek
I don't believe in curses in the literal sense, although I think Carey made a good point about there effects, and it may help you and your husband to perform some sort of ritual act. Whatever this act is should be aimed at healing each other, committing to each other, and getting on with your lives while minimizing the corrosive effects of having such an appalling mother-in-law. I think that the fact that you are superstitious might actually give this "curse" power within your mind - because you think it might work you worry, and fret, and are miserable - and then in a way it seems like the curse has worked. Which is exactly what the mother-in-law wants. So the important thing to do first is to assure yourself and your husband that she has no power over either of you or your lives together. And if that means a ritual exorcism, that's great. It might mean that you and he sit in the hot tub and clink two big glasses of retsina (or whatever) together and say out loud, "We pledge to love each other and to never allow whatserface to come between us", then shag each other senseless. I don't mean to belittle the situation - just do whatever feels right for you two - and that curse goes "poof".
I have to say also that the fact that you and your husband have been together for 12 years indicates to me that she doesn't have such power ... after all these years he obviously has money, a business, you and thee children ... why would she wait this long if she could have "cursed" you before you were married? I'm guessing she knew you weren't Greek before now?
Your mother-in-law clearly wants you and your husband to be unhappy, for reasons of her own. I can't imagine my mother spitting in my face, and I can't imagine what your poor husband thinks about what she's done. Obviously you need to talk about this with him - maintain a united front - and then you need to stop doing everything you can to make them happy. They're never going to be happy, and they're never going to accept you if they haven't already. They're going to continue to talk behind your back to others because that's the kind of people they are. Why would you continue to do laundry etc for people who dislike you this much? Why would you be around them at all? As well, you obviously you have other family and friends who are passing on to you what mother-in-law has said - you need to ask those people to stop. You don't need to know, you don't want to know, and its not helping you. Let them stew in their own juices!
Do whatever you want to your hair, live your life, love your husband and your kids and yourself and reduce contact with these people as much as possible. That will negate any "curse" mom-in-law wishes to throw at you. One way to look at it: living well is the best revenge.
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Directionally challenged
Freestone is not Olema by about 30 country miles. Olema does have a buddhist retreat however, which might prove helpful for the lifting of curses: http://www.sfvedanta.org/VedantaSocietyOlemaInfo.html
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Dear Cursed,
Curses -- if you believe them -- are very serious things.
However, I wonder if you are new to Salon. If not, you need to prepare yourself for a barrage of letters in this particular thread in which people excoriate you for being an idiot. Ignore them. We feel what we feel and we fear what we fear.
Cary is right. You must find a strategy to remove the curse. My suggestion is simple. You need to move the furniture in your house around, especially the marital bed which you share with you husband. Trust me. This will work.
First, you must make certain that your bed is not beneath a window and that your heads as you sleep are not within two feet of a window. No good can come of having your head too near a window at night. You can never tell what will come in with the drafts. Second, look at your entire bedroom layout; by this I mean that you should include your furniture arrangement. Does it make you happy when you walk into the room? If not, maybe you need a new bed covering or new curtains. If you cannot arrange your room so that your head is away from the window, get heavy drapes and close them at night. Think of what might be a reasonable expenditure to improve the mood of both of you when you are in the room. Is your night table one that you like. How is the lighting in the bedroom. Do you have to walk to far to get to the bathroom when you get up at night? Are you and your husband sleeping well? Is your mattress really comfortable? Are the colors cheerful?
So fix the bedroom. Move all the furniture around and try something different. Get your husband to help you. Get really exhausted while trying new things.
Once you have the furniture arrangement as you like, light a candle and say the prayer or affirmation of your choice together. Now change the sheets on the bed so that they are nice and fresh and spray one of those fragrances for bed linens on them. Maybe lavender. Then shower together, fall into bed, and make love. Try something new there as well.
I hope you do not live too near your mother-in-law. In any case, it is good you stopped doing things for her. You are not anyone's slave.
Best wishes.
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Patronizing?
It seems to me that some people's suggestions about how to get rid of curses could be quite offensive to someone who actually believes in curses and ways to remove them. We know nothing about this woman's heritage, or what kinds of traditions/practices she comes from. Throwing out oils, prayers and chants only ridicules her ostensibly earnestly-held beliefs.
She can't possibly expect Cary to be well-versed in her beliefs enough to give her a specific recipe for removing the curse. I'd say that any attempt to suggest such a thing would only expose your own ignorant ideas about curses, etc.
PS Not that I believe in curses.
PPS Not that I am totally sure this letter is for real.