Letters to the Editor
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Critical thinking vs uncritical faith
The answer depends in part on the age of the child.
As Mark Danner has said: The world is divided into two types of people, those who read and question and those who listen and believe (my paraphrase). Religious people believe that a typical child can be turned into a listening believer. I don't know if this is true, but I wouldn't want to provide a religious group the opportunity to test their theory on my child. Are there camps that teach critical thinking instead of uncritical faith?
An older child is probably already set into one of Danner's two categories and his or her experience at a religious camp would likely have a negligible effect.
The answer also depends on the type of religious camp. An Al Queda religious camp, full of fun activities and studies in chemistry and biology, should be avoided. Many so-called Christian fundamentalists believe in an Armageddon around the corner and are as scary as the so-called Islamic fundamentalists.
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You said it yourself, "it's a fun camp."
Stop worrying. Just let them go. It won't turn them into zealots. I loathe Bob Jones University, and Fundies sometimes give me the creeps, but this camp sounds fine and your family sounds nice. Stop being a worry wart.
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There are 100's of other camps
Oh wow,
I feel your pain. My husband's family also all went to Bob Jones and all their children go to these camps. We don't have children yet and I can appreciate the pressure you may be feeling from your family, but children move easily from idea to idea and it would be simple for them to get excited about any other camp. Watch the movie Jesus Camp, which gives a truly terrifying picture of these camps and make sure you don't put your children into the position of having to feel shame about being their own person.
Children may want to drink beer, but are you going to let them? No, you are the adult and you are the one that makes the decisions based on what you believe to be right. Find a camp that allows them to grow into who they are, not who a bunch of closed minded adults who see everything in black and white and want only to force young minds to become what those adults want them to be. Stick to your morals and values, and your children will learn to do the same. Everything doesn't need to be explained to them, they are too young to understand it the way you do, so a simple response that you'd like them to go to a different camp (and one that appeals to them and will be fun) can simply be the end of it. And tell your family to respect your individuality and choices as well.
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The YMCA camp option
I agree with Yerevan's suggestion. I went to a wonderful YMCA summer camp in Colorado half a century ago, and they went pretty light on the religious stuff. Grace was said at mealtimes, and there were services on Sunday, but they weren't mandatory. And that summer there were a few dozen Jewish kids from Chicago in attendance, which was fun and educational. In fact, there was a fat kid with a beautiful voice who the others said was going to make a good cantor, and on Friday evenings there were Sabbath services we were invited to attend, and the song of Israel was raised to the mountaintops. The chaplain was Unitarian, who cheerfully debated the Virgin Birth with conventional Christians.
Send the kids to one of those. You can't go wrong.
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You have no idea
The only people who can be so complacent about being around evangelical fundamentalists are the people who haven't had to spend time around them. I had the pleasure 3x a week at church and all week at school for many years as a child.
They are not capable of "not indoctrinating." That's what the "evangelical" label is about. They are required to evangelize, period. I remember as a teen in Sunday school being taught how to pretend to be friendly with people long enough to drag them to church (and if they wouldn't turn to Christ, we were told we had to not be friends with them - too worldly.)
And that was the liberal little church we attended on Sundays. The school was southern baptist convention, bob jones university affiliated. Secularists, Humanists, and Atheists are The Enemy. (and yes, they explicitly use those words to describe who they're talking about. Is saying that God hates a group not hate speech? Especially when it comes after some sermon about the Canaanites slaughtering some hapless desert enemies with God's help? Subtle, they aren't.)
Of course maybe they aren't that blatant about things at Bible Camp (I remember liking Bible Camp myself, but that was a day camp, not overnight). I doubt any harm will be done to the LW's family by allowing the kids to go.
But I have to take exception to the basic ideas in Cary's answer. My childhood experiences have left me believing that although I can certainly co-exist with and get along with with fundamentalists, their beliefs don't deserve respect or validation. Nobody's kids need to learn more about grandpa's cult as some cultural exchange exercise.
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So send them the camp of your choice.
If gramma will pay for a different camp, Fab! If not, she's being dishonest about the motivations.
My niece's other grandparents are FUNDY. My family, really not. Niecey's already got several years of summer camp paid for (she's 4) because her other grandparents want Niecey to be saved. So Niecey will spend a week at Camp Quest (the non-theist summer camp www.camp-quest.org) and a week at Jeeezus Camp (if she wants to go). She goes to Quest first. (Quest starts kids at 8; the jesus camp at 12. We're so sneaky...) That's our solution to the problem.
And finally, it's totally okay to tell your family to butt out of your kids' faith or lack thereof. If they want to convert your kids, tell them to set an example, live a moral life (minus proselytization) and treat others by the rule.
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A word of advise from a Pagan Chaplain...
I understand your concern over your child going to a conservative/rightwing/fundamentalist summer camp. After "Jesus Camp" who wouldn't be?
The fact that you are interested in your children's wishes, and want to honor and respect them to the best of your ability is very important... in fact, it's the most important part of your letter. It shows that you love your children, and you want them to grow into the best people they can be. You want your children to "do better than you did" and to not have to experience what you did... there's just some inner conflict because they're choosing to do something that you associate with mental, emotional, and spiritual pain. You want to support them without re-opening your own wounds.
You're worried for your childrens' wellbeing. You recognise that your children are just that - children - and as such they don't have all of the bullshit detectors and coping mechanisms that adults have. Sometimes this is good (creativity and art) while sometimes it is harmful (innocence and a willingness to believe can be exploited by some groups/individuals - particularly religious groups). You are worried that they will go to camp and experience what you did as an unprotected and trusting child... but that can't happen - here's why:
Your kids aren't you guys... they're growing up now which is now when you guys (and likely me) were growing up. Your children have the internet and other means of getting information easily that we didn't have; you can use this information to help your children see that there are MANY views out there about religion/faith.
The view of the camp members is only one view. Use church camp as an opportunity to discuss what you and your wife believe, what the church camp believes, what other Christians believe, and what other faiths believe. Look at this as an invitation to begin learning about other philosophies and faiths:
* go to a Holocaust museum and discuss what it means to be a persecuted minority... talk with your kids about how religious bigotry hurts people in the US (Muslims, Athiests, Agnostics, etc)
*attend a Civil Rights museum and discuss how MLK and Malcolm X were people of faith and how that affected their work
* go to a Buddhist temple... learn how Buddhism does not believe in "Gods" but still is a faith
* go to an art museum - see how many of the works of art are influenced by faiths or religions... which faiths did you see? learn about the myth(s) and culture(s) of one particular piece that really spoke to you
These are just the suggestions I could come up with off the top of my head...
The major reason that your kids won't experience what you did is that you are there for them. You are their parents. You experienced abuse of your spiritual natures when you were young. You should have been protected by those around you, but you weren't. The good news is that this is now, and that is in the past. You have your experience and your current perspective, so that unlike you guys, your kids will not be alone in this. You are there for them. You should let them know that. Let them know that if they have any questions, worries, or fears they can come to you and your wife.
Let them know that you will help them find the answers to the questions that the have... go on the internet, or better yet, visit your local Library. The librarians want to help you find information and resources that you never even knew existed...
You guys sound like you are afraid that letting your kids go to camp this summer will be like opening Pandora's Jar... that if you let them do this, they will have to experience everything that you guys did growing up. This isn't necesarrily so. You have limitations... keep them.
It's okay to have rules like "you can go to summer camp... but going to worship on Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings is out". That rule right there will do much to allow your kids to have fun at camp with their Auntie and friends without becoming "born-againers" as you put it. Much of fundamentalism revolves around limiting the adherents' access to information, people, and diversity. As long as you keep your kids plugged in with friends besides fundamentalists and make sure they are aware of diversity, I think their probability of becoming "born-againers" in a serious sort of way is minimal.
If you are open and honest with what you and your wife think and believe with your children, they will learn to be open and honest with what they believe. This is very important, as it establishes a safe place where children can explore, learn, and experiment with their philosophies and identities.
Letting them "try on" different sorts of thinking and looking at the world will help them to learn who they are and how they fit into everything. It will also make them strong individuals who can help their friends who don't have parents like you. Children who grow up in supportive environments are often the leaders and nurturers of their peers.
Supporting your children now, as difficult as it may be, will help them for years to come. I know that you will make the choice that is right for you guys and your children.
One final piece of Chaplain advice I'd like to give you is this - you are good parents. You will make it... I know it is tough, and you guys doubt yourself, but I know that you are more than up to it. Why? You don't mind asking others for help. The fact that you know what your limitations are and that you know when to ask for help shows you are doing great.
I've rambled on enough... Peace and Be Well!