I could have written that letter during my freshman year in college.

Do you make much eye contact with people? I never did. Try it. Just make eye contact while the other person is talking. Nod. Gesture positively. Adopt the same body posture as the other person and, if s/he makes a gesture, make the same gesture yourself. Say "Really?" "How interesting." "Then what?" "What did you think about (whatever the person just said)?"

Have a couple of stock questions you can ask, with follow-up questions. What's your major? What classes are you taking? Do you like that class? What's the teacher like? How's the workload? Then do the above while the person responds - people love to talk to someone who's obviously paying attention.

Then, pay attention. Learn by watching how they respond to you. Identify a few people you see frequently who are especially good at socializing. Observe how the interact both with you and with others. Listen to what they say, how they start a conversation or keep one going, what kind of body language they use. Mimic them. I met one of my best friends freshman year and she's great at socializing - the exact opposite of me. I learned a lot from simply watching and trying what she did.

It's going to take a while - it took me years before I felt like I wasn't terrible at socializing. Today, I still don't feel I'm good at it, but I can hold my own.

There are some people out there who are extroverts - people totally unafraid of how they are perceived, and the consequences of their being perceived. Sometimes those people have that odd charisma that draws other people around them - I call those people heroes. Find yourself a hero, and listen as the people she or he draws talk about her, or about him.

Basically, you need to talk some smack to find out what the norms are. Whatever you decide they are doesn't matter too much - it's just the coming up with a schema.

Find a chief, find a tribe, talk some smack. You might try getting a job at a cafe. There is some great smack talked amongst cafe staff.

LW, you should explore introversion and Asperger's. It's important to learn who really are and learn to accept and love THAT person, instead of the person you're told you should be by all the people out there who think they're in charge of that department.

Asperger's Syndrome is not a disease, it is a pervasive developmental disorder (PDD).

According to the DSM-IV classifications, Asperger's is a separate and distinct syndrome from autistic disorder or autism. Please note, however, that controversy still exists as to whether Asperger's is a syndrome in its own right, or a form of autism. There is also some debate and confusion regarding whether Asperger's is equivalent to high functioning autism.

My son has classic Autism and hence I find it is worth an attempt at accuracy, particularly if you are ignorantly writing in a public forum about a whole group of people.

You give this person a scientifically debunked piece of pop psychology crap as a possible tool to understand this problem? Almost as bad as trying to blame the Iraq war on extroverts. All college Republicans I knew were introverts, after all.

The letter writer has isolated her problem. Now she has to do something about it. The late pop psychology trend is to lump introverts in with Aspberger's, treating both as a negative trait.

I also went to an urban university that was somewhat non-traditional in its social settings, so I can see how leaving your shell is rough.

However, you have to make an effort to do so. Nothing that is worth having or doing comes easy. Get involved with campus clubs. Practice having conversations with strangers in class, involving different paths a conversation can have.

Have a drink. Or two. That always helped in college. Put yourself in social situations, taking a sink or swim approach. You'll be glad you did. I see firsthand those that did not branch out and challenge these feelings of yours. Five years from now, unchecked, you might look back on the current time with regrets.

BTW, from the opening of your letter,conversations and relationships are always helped when one drops the superiority complex. Those who go through life with those end up miserable in the end, extroverted or introverted,

LW:

I could have written your letter in college. I am an introvert. But I learned how to pass in the world of extroverts by working in retail during and after college. I hated it, it exhausted me, but after two or three years I learned how to do the small talk, how to interact with those happy extroverts, and, even, to enjoy it in small doses. That experience has served me very well over the years and I am grateful for it. It's amazing how "having to socialize" will get you there.

Good luck!

That's a good sign. It means that you don't necesarily have any big "issues" to overcome, you just need to develop some practical skills.

Questions are your friend. I am a lot like you, and I finally realized when I was about 25 that people like to talk about themselves and if you have a few questions ready they will get you through some awkward moments. Just things like "So how do you know Fred? or "How long have you been living in Tulsa?" Asked with a smile, they just get things started but it's better than nothing. The advice in another letter about listening to others and studying what they do is also helpful.

This might seem like an odd suggestion, but you can also consider participating in group therapy--not because there is anything inherently wrong with you, but because if you land in the right group you might learn a lot about what makes people tick and further develop your sense of compassion and your view of yourself as part of the larger human family. That can be helpful too. Do some exploring -- maybe your student health center has something.

If you make it a goal you can definitely learn the skills that you need to feel more competent in the world. And, I'm no expert, but I don't see anything in your letter that would indicate autism or Asperger's.