Letters to the Editor
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Go to an M.A. meeting!
Having just recently celebrated my eleventh year of sobriety in Marijuana Anonymous, the LR's story sounds just like a gazillion other stories I've heard in meetings over the years. And I, too was a highy functioning pot head. For over 15 years I was able to go to school and transition into working long hours, performing as a highly trained musician while making lots of money, hanging out with many talented and wonderful friends. And I was so classy, driving my Mercedes around town, joint in hand on the way to my personal trainer and yoga classes. But pot became the great equalizer to all the stresses of life, and it felt like my closest ally on many a morning, noon, or night. Or so I thought. But like Cary said, it does catch up with you.
After eleven years of sobriety, I'm still untangling the emotional webs of denial that pot kept me in. It's as if I was living in a sort of emotional Disneyland, being slightly buzzed most of the time, and knowing that when an uncomfortable emotion arose, I could escape it rather than tunnel through to solve the problems. Unfortunatley,everyone has to leave Disneyland at the end of the day and the real world is just so darned harsh if you've been living in a slightly altered reality for too long.
After questioning the validity of my habit while failing to quit on my own several times, I landed on Marijuana Anonymous meetings. Hated it! But now, I've come to believe. Check one out if you can, LR. They're even online. Just for research perhaps? You'll be surprised by how many people share this addiction.
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Girl or guy?
2 random thoughts:
I started reading this letter thinking it was a guy until I got to the shopping and then the ingrained my gender roles in my head got me thinking that maybe LW was a female.
I don't know many women who are huge MJ smokers, though I lived with a full closer-to-full-time female users. I guess I just associate pot heads with "male".
On the job thing - a good friend of mine was hired at a reknown pub co in NYC. As he started to ask about the drug test the editor in charge laughed and said "Honey, this is publishing we all have our little demons and we don't test for them here!"
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My ex was doing just fine, too, til it all crashed
Dear LW,
What you are doing is self-medicating. It sounds under all the assertions that you are doing fine that you have some serious panic/anxiety issues that previously made it impossible to cope with the stress of a difficult college program. So, you use the medication you have at hand and are comfortable with.
Problem is, pot at the level you are smoking does long term damage to your short-term memory.
You said you still cry over your thesis. Why? You have stopped doing things you used to enjoy. Why?
It looks like the answer, it seems, because you have not figured out the question. Is the point to get through college or to develop skills to deal with stress. College seems like the most stressful thing you can imagine right now, but it isn't. The people I have known who self-medicated more than occasionally with pot just weren't there for their friends and family when the big stuff hit -- like illness, pain, death. The real stressors.
Get yourself through the rest of the school year then give yourself permission to look in the dark places for why the world is so very frightening.
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Here's something to consider...
Go to hempfest in Seattle next year.
Look at the teenagers and young adults there - not so bad, huh?
Now look at the small numbers of folks there that are in the 30-60 year old range. I don't like being judgemental, but they look pretty pathetic.
I'm guessing some prescription anti-anxiety medication will eliminate your stress without making you high all the time.
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the sooner you get tired of it the better
You will look back and realize you have forgotten large chunks of your life.
You will look back and realize you have done bad things to your health.
You will look back and wish you could have stopped earlier.
I finally quit at 42, which was 19 years of smoking pot. It wasn't the brightest thing I ever rationalized. You will get tired of it eventually, if you ever get to something you really want to do more than get stoned. Which, I hope you will.
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kudos and shame on you Cary
kudos for an EXCELLENT response to the letter: it goes straight to the question of putting all one's stress-management eggs in one basket, whether it be prozac, tv, chocolate, or exercise.
and SHAME on you for your selection of "editor's choice" letters, one of which at this point is reasonable and theothers of t=which make huge generalizations about cannabis consumption as a practice as a one-way ticket to lifelong loserdom. We can all point towards anecdotal evidence, the people that we know in all of our limited experience, and generalize some sort of law of pot-smoking. We could point to Carl Sagan and Louis Armstrong, for example, and say that all people who practice regular cannabis consumption go on to lead exemplary, successful, meaningful lives, but that would be just as foolish.
so, kudos and shame on you Cary Tennis. What we need is less Reefer Madness, not more, and to put cannabis consumption in perspective: it affects everyone differently, but having a balanced approach to life-management is probably a good idea.
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I felt it was me writing that letter
I, too, am an addict, but my life is great! I have a full time job, part time school, friends, family, and a saving account. I contribute to my 401k and get regular health check ups. I try new things, go on vacations, and work through my demons. I am better off the 85% of the people I know. Do I sometimes think it would be easier to not have to constantly worry about where my next "fix" is coming from, yes? But when I have it, it makes me happy and I am happy with my life with or without. The jerk off who says you lose personal growth obviously doesn't know what they are talking about. I am doing just fine.. and honestly, how many of you can say that?