Letters to the Editor
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I can relate
Red-Faced, I completely relate to your story. I met my husband on eHarmony, after years of romantic drought up to my mid-30s. My closest friends know how we met, but most of my acquaintances and family members don't. I was particularly reluctant to tell my parents, for a number of reasons but mainly because I knew they would tell all their friends (in their excitement that I was actually attached), and not everyone of that generation is hip to the difficulties of meeting people today. I didn't think it was everyone's business.
Since our first date was the evening of January 1, my "story" is that we met at a New Year's gathering. (I attended a small party the night before our first date that my guy could vaguely-plausibly have attended.) I leave it at that, and no one pushes further.
Like you, I know other couples who met online and cheerfully say so. I think it boils down to what you're comfortable with.
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This is as big a deal as you make it
I agree that you need to own it. I met my husband through match.com. We were married last year. We have several friends who met their spouses through various internet dating sites. Actually, I'm pretty hard pressed to name very many friends who haven't tried internet dating. If you're not into church, bars, or stalking people in the produce aisle at the grocery store, it's an effective way to go.
It's only as big a deal as you make it. Frankly, it's a non-issue. If you are ashamed of it, others will pick up on it, and think you are somehow ashamed of your significant other. And your S.O. will pick up on it, too.
Smile, reach for your partner's hand. Beam at him. Say: "We met online. Amazing world, isn't it?"
If you want to erase the stigma, it's gotta start somewhere. Why not start with you?
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delivery (more ideas)
I know couples who are deeply in love now, but started as drunken one night stands. These couples have no embarassment about how they met, which is interesting because drunken one-nighters do not strike me as a particularly romantic or even responsible way to go about finding a partner. However, I think what these couples find fun (and romantic!) about their story is the contrast between where they started and where they ended up.
Maybe you could try that tack. When asked how you met, just say "Online!", in a tone that says "Can you believe my good luck? You'd think you'd just find losers on dating sites, but get a load of my guy!"
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Take it literally.
Why not just tell them where you actually MET for the first time? The restaurant, the coffee shop, wherever it was. Take the question literally.
They as, "How'd you two meet?"
Say, "We met at Outback actually."
They say, "How'd you meet there?"
Reply, "We started talking while we were both waiting and ... I dunno. I guess something just clicked."
[substitute Outback with wherever you actually met]
Don't lie-- just omit the online part that came before you met. You sorted through a bunch of guys online who you didn't want to date, but you actually MET this guy somewhere in person and things clicked, right?
I agree with what other posters said:
A) Most people are making conversation by asking.
B) Tell your close confidances how you met before that.
C) Stop judging yourself. :)
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You didn't meet online...
You met where ever your first date took place. Tell folks you met on a blind date - that's what we used to call meeting someone you never met in person...
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Where did you have your first face to face meeting?
A friend of mine met her boyfriend online and they met for their first date at the zoo
When she is asked "Where did you meet John?" she says "we met for the first time at the zoo".
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Congratulations
to you for taking proactive measures to meet someone - someone who shares your interests, presumably - rather than complain that there's no one out there. Yes, it does feel like people are judging you when they hear that you found your "other" on line, but screw them. Not everyone finds their soulmate at school, and work is not always the best of hunting grounds. So what are you going to do? Volunteer at a church? Join a gym? With online dating, it's understood that if there are no sparks on that initial coffee date, then you move on to the next. You don't have to worry about bumping into "Joe" on the communion line, or "Bob" on the cardio circuit, after some bad dates. And online dating, though it poses its risks, nevertheless allows you to search around for someone more suited to your needs and likes.
I met my husband on Match.com. Second marriage for me. Everyday I'm thankful that I answered his response to my ad. Life is great! Good luck to you!
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Don't be embarrassed! (And we should question why there's even a stigma)
I agree with the several dozens of posters who have said that you shouldn't be ashamed of how you met your SO. I met my guy through a mutual friend, my friend met his girlfriend at a bar, but are any of us 'better' than the others merely because of how we met our SOs? I think not. But I do wonder why there's a stigma associated with saying that you met your boyfriend online.
I think part of the stigma (and I'm not saying that it's right to stigmatize people, I just recognize that many people do it) is: on some level, many people think that it's tacky or bad manners in some way.
Now, most of the things we consider good manners involve some subterfuge, some ritualistic pretense that we don't want what we actually do want. Just think of table manners-- yes, I really want to dive into this delicious entree, and inhale the entire thing like the ravenous human that I am, but no, I will pretend that I am not an animal (although biologically, I am!) and delay my eating by using a knife and fork, and not cramming my mouth to the point that my cheeks bulge.
Similarly, society still has some unspoken rules about 'looking for someone.' These rules imply that it's bad form to be openly looking for someone. And so, when people say, 'I'm going to a singles event,' etc. etc. others look askance at them for being so open about what they're really looking for.
This is why people are always being given advice (bad advice, in my opinion) that you should "hit on guys/gals at the bookstore, at the gym, at a skydiving club, etc." I think that people should go to these places to buy books, to exercise, and to jump out of airplanes, rather than to pretend an interest in these things merely to hit on people.
Some of the people will likely brush you off, because they found the advance unwelcome in the setting, because they were only there to buy books, workout, and jump out of airplanes. Granted, there may be a connection made (especially if you really do have an interest in these activities,) but it seems rather indirect, no? But that's more of the societal expectation that we do a certain type of ritualistic play. It's not for everyone.
What you did, LW, was to cut to the chase. And to do that, you had to be brave. So, tap into a bit of that bravery again, and don't be afraid to tell people how you really met your boyfriend. Your true friends will not judge you harshly for it, or, if they show some signs of it, should be amenable to rethinking some societal biases. Those who think badly of you....why do you want them in your life anyways?
Best of luck!