Letters to the Editor
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Be thankful you met a nice guy
Acquaintenances are just trying to make coversation - tell them about your first date or whatever you feel is appropriate.
Friends will be happy for you. Tell them the truth. Just because you met through an online dating service does not automatically make you an internet ho.
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You met online - Have some pride!
LW: Your issue isn't telling people how you met your boyfriend. Your issue is that you have low self-esteem and care too much about what other people think.
You expend too much energy worrying about people's reactions to your personal business. Don't bother trying to act, or perform, or make stuff up. Who has time for that? Aren't you then also expending that much more energy trying to perform? And for who, for what?
Do you like your boyfriend and does he like you? Are you good to each other? If you answered (Yes) to these questions then stop wasting energy on embarrassment, start treating yourself better and move on.
The truth is always the simplest and easiest answer. You will find that once you say "we met online" that many of the people asking can relate either directly or indirectly.
BTW: I met my husband on-line nearly 5 years ago. I used to tell people that we met on a blind-date... which was not a good answer because then people were intrigued and wanted to know who our common-friend was... He's my soulmate, the love of my life, and I absolutely would never have met him the "normal" way... Say it loud... Say it proud... You met online!
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I met my wife of 15 years
in a personal ad - in 1991. I love telling the story. My neighbor was a young lady who used to call the ads (which cost $3/response) and her parents got mad at her because they paid her phone bills, even though she was living on her own. She started coming over to my apartment and calling the ads and she would give me cash to cover the cost.
She soon started telling me that I should call the ads, too. I was going to school full-time and working full-time and had no time to sleep, let alone a personal life. I refused. So she said that I had to put in an ad. I agreed, but had no intention of following through. She kept pestering me and I finally wrote the ad. I told her that I would send it in, but she knew that I was prevaricating and said that she would send it in herself.
I was a little shocked when I saw the text of the ad:
"Sam Kinneson type seeks wild eclectic woman. Laurie Anderson fan a plus." Needless to say, I did not perceive myself to be a "Sam Kinneson type" The ad ran a month and I got one phone call - and the rest is history.
Pax
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Next Stop Wonderland
Have you seen this movie? The whole story is about a woman who takes a risk and tries to find love through the personals (in the newspaper - this was pre-online dating).
Of course, since it's a romantic comedy, she ends up finding her soulmate the old-fashioned, meet-cute, romantic comedy way. However, her coworker and his boyfriend tell an elaborate story about how they met on the Boston Duck Tour ... and then once the boyfriend leaves the table, the coworker confesses "That's not how we met at all - he'd kill me if he knew I was telling you, but we actually met through a gay dating service. It doesn't matter how you meet - it's what keeps you together that's the interesting part."
Anyway, obviously this was an older movie made when there was more stigma attached to the personals, but it shows that you're not the first person to feel self-conscious about this sort of thing. Lots of my friends are embarrassed to admit it, too, even in urban areas where everyone's dating online.
What is an ideal meeting story, anyway? Meeting at work, through friends, etc. are all kind of boring. My suspicion is that there's a desire to hear something that indicates the fateful magic of the two of you finding each other. It was meant to be! The stars aligned, and the gods made it so!
If you want to be honest about it but still acknowledge that some might think it's an unlikely way to find love, how about saying something like, "Believe it or not, we met through an online dating site! He was actually the first person I met after I signed up - we just hit it off right away. I guess it was meant to be."
There, see? You still get to invoke the fates! There's something pretty meet-cute about your story, too ... even if it did happen on the Internet.
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LW: Where did you guys meet?
You still have not answered the question! You cannot meet online... that's not possible. We are so comfortable using this term that we often do not realize what we are saying. It is supposed to be a marketing tactics... we cannot meet people without meeting them... period. Do you say I met him over telephone? No! That's exactly why it is supposed to sound stupid when you say, I met him online.
I met my girlfriend on a train... very easy story to tell compared to I met her in a bar story for my ex ;) So write back the story of how you guys actually met... physically and don't acceot the definition that you can meet online... because you cannot.
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I met my first husband in the personals...
...before online dating. When asked how we met, I used to say "I ordered him out of a catalog!"
Met my second on match.com back in 1996, when online dating was considerably less mainstream than it is now. Had no hesitation fessing up either then or now.
I guess that puts me in the "get over it" column.
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Lie, lie, lie... then lie again
(Btw Cary, that was IMHO some of the best advice you've given).
If only because, frankly, it's no one's business. Sure, if you feel like talking about it, go ahead. Maybe years down the line you'll find it funny, at least with the right crowd. For now, it's not important. Let them know that with absurdity.
Want to know how I met my wife? A gaming convention. You know, those things where AD&D geeks get together to talk about their 54th level paladins and show off soft-core porn pictures of their characters(1).
(Not true, but the con was where we got together. We'd known each other for three years, were good friends, and actually met in a computer lab when her then boyfriend brought her by - back in the mid 80s, when being near a computer mean big-time nerd).
To our other geek friends, that's how we met. To the "mundanes"? The convention is in the middle of February; we tell them we got together around Valentines day. Problem of story solved, and if we get away from the "I'm Italian & Mafia, She's Chinese & Triad - we're a peace offering between the two" lie it makes them happy.
Just don't ask about the tattoos.
(1)Tremendous exaggeration, but an example of a tested distraction and smackdown to people who can't keep their noses out of other peoples' affairs.