Letters to the Editor
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Think of the average American
If they are not at work, working overtime to satisfy the machine, they are stationed in front of their laptop or teevee at home, stuffing their face with Ben & Jerry's or Cheetos and watching Dancing with the Stars to satisfy their unquenched lust for connection.
When someone attempts to open a line of communication, it inevitably involves a minefield of PC admonitions and taboos salted with a healthy dose of feminist man-fear. Invariably, the only men making those overtures turn out to be user scum who have learned to game the system and are looking for a sex snack.
Online dating is the natural answer to this corrosive environment. Pick out your guy like you would select a pair of shorts at an online shop. What could be better?
So now that we have acknowledged that society is screwed up, adapt to, absorb, adore your new reality.
Is the guy the color and size that you wanted? Does he fit you like a glove? Can you return him for a refund?
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You need to get over the stigma first.
Whether or not there is some kind of larger social stigma against online dating, and whether or not that stigma is diminishing, is completely irrelevant. The bottom line is that you're embarrassed about how you met your boyfriend. And you need to get over that. Because it doesn't take a genius to make the transition from "I feel self-conscious about the way I met my guy" to "I feel self-conscious about my guy." Yes, they're one and the same.
You say you're worried that people will think there's something wrong with you because you were "desperate" enough to date online; what you really mean is that there's part of you that's worried that there's something wrong with your boyfriend because he was desperate enough to do it. Again, I say, get over it. You're with him because he's a great guy. And he's with you because he thinks you're also great. If you want to see the fact that you met through online dating as some kind of weird fluke that needs to be probed and examined, well, go right ahead. But I think it would be a whole hell of a lot better to take your relationship as definitive proof that online dating works. And then start telling everyone else the same thing.
P.S., I met my girlfriend online. We've been together for almost two years. There's nothing wrong with either one of us; we're both hip, smart, awesome people who decided that we weren't going to find our soulmate in a loud, dimly lit bar. If anyone asks how we met, we happily tell them the truth, and hope that as more people hear our story they'll be inspired to give online dating a shot.
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Same boat, 9 years ago
I met my husband in 1999 on match.com. We also felt completely dippy about advertising the fact, and when we were asked we just sort of shrugged and said we hung out at the same billiard bar (which we did, in the early days of our relationship). Yawn. Boring question, boring answer. Problem solved.
Our closest friends knew, and I think even our families knew after we got married. It hardly matters now...
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It could be worse
I love music, and a friend told me about a band I just HAD to go hear. Long story short, I couldn't find anyone to go with me, so I reluctantly went to a small club by myself to hear the band. During a break, the very cute guitarist came over and started talking to me, gave me his phone number instead of asking for mine, invited me to go sailing at his parent's house the following weekend, and 14 months later we got married.
When people asked how we met, we answered, "In a bar."
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A level of detail...
"We met online."
Or:
"So I'm really bored, right? My ex had just left after a drawn-out failure of the relationship, and I wanted to go out and have some fun. So I sign up with this service, OkCupid, which has the primary benefit of being free. I put up my picture and a snarky profile because, well, anybody who wants to go out with me should be forewarned, right? So one day I log in and amid the creeps trying to explain how they're only *technically* married, I've got this message that just says, 'Thank you for not being crazy.'"
(We celebrated the second anniversary of our first date at the beginning of March and are engaged to be married.)
The trouble with meeting online is that it lacks a human interaction component. "We met on the computer" is as functionally useless as "we met in Cleveland". Okay, yes, you met in Cleveland. But *how*? What happened? What drew you together? That's what people want to know when they ask. They're not asking what particular medium you used to communicate, they want to know something like how his profile included a poem that you've always loved, how he sent you a goofy picture to cheer you up when you said you were having a bad day, how you talked on the phone for six hours the very first time you spoke to him and you had trouble hanging up.
Computers lack drama, but people don't. Take the computer out of the picture. It was a tool. You wouldn't tell someone that you met over the telephone if your first contact with him was when he called you--you'd mention how your best friend gave him your number because she thought you'd be perfect together because you both love little yappy dogs or collecting antiques. The internet isn't the story any more than the telephone is.
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aw come on....
get over it....
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You're not alone, R-FOD...
I don't like telling the tale either. It isn't that I mind saying I met someone online, but fending off common responses, to wit:
--oh that's so GREAT! I think that's such a good way to meet people!
Errghh. It makes me feel icky. I don't know why, but it seems condescending and I am functioning in private when I respond to emails, etc., so I don't like spelling it all out just for the curious.
My solution is to conspire with my hypothetic fellow (oh if only I had one) to respond, "We met at _____ Coffee Shop." Because in fact, that's true!
Best of luck,