Letters to the Editor
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You need to get over it
I was all goofy about meeting people online and then I realized that millions of people do it. I met a guy online. It did not pan out. I ran into him at a party later - I recognized his photo. I quietly went up to him and said, "We corresponded on match.com". He dragged me over to the hostess (who is a sucessful executive) and announced that we'd met on match.com. She smiled and said, "That's how I met *my* boyfriend!" Then she asked how long we'd been dating. I laughed and said, "Um, well, we never did go on a date." So, in my opinion, I met the guy at the party. Having seen his photo online and exchanging email just gave us an opening to talk to each other face-to-face.
Its just another way to meet someone. Its really no big deal anymore, especially for someone in their early 30s. Just tell them how you met. I would bet that a lot of your single friends would see how happy you are and would sign up in hopes they could meet someone really nice, too.
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Move forward, already
My question to the LW is, why after taking the pro-active step of online dating in order to find a meaningful relationship, do you then insult the relationship you start by not even admitting you are dating someone? After four months no less?
If someone is close to you and you care about their opinion of you, then they probably already know how you met. And if they are distant enough that you can fool them into thinking you've been single for four months, then you probably *shouldn't* care what they think of how you met.
But most importantly, you should think about how this guy thinks of you. Does he know you lie about it? Does he know you are ashamed? Because if I was him, I don't know that we'd make it to 5 months with that attitude. Get over it.
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It's all in the presentation.
It's the old, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." There are many ways to say "we met online" -- matter-of-factly, conspiratorially, self-deprecatingly, sheepishly, pitifully, humorously, proudly. I recommend either of the latter.
Say it loud, say it proud, say it with a gigantic smile and enthusiastic eyes, say it like it's the best thing that ever happened to you. It totally disarms people and gets them asking themselves, "Now why didn't I think of that?"
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Just go for shock then let down
"There was a bondage party and my church and I ended up mostly naked and handcuffed to the alter. The party mostly cleared out except for me and a guy passed out in the front pew. Eventually I hit him with a high heel and he went to get the keys from the priest... so nice of him..."
"Just kidding, we met online."
See, meeting online sounds totally normal and appropriate when placed in the right context.
PS. I've been married for 15yrs to a girl that I met behind a bee-bop club. I was looking for cigarettes and she wanted a ride home. I was nineteen. She was 15.
Given the details, people are shocked. But nobody really needs the details, do they?
20 yrs later. We simplify to "met in college" or "met in high school" depending on who is talking. Just easier that way.
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How else would you meet someone?
Can't meet your guy at work. Not flirt on the street. Can't pick up at a bar. No more 1970s spandex come-hither looks at the gym.
We live in a vacuum packaged society where you are supposed to meet your someone online.
There are millions of couples lying by saying that the meet on line in order to hide the truth.
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Oh, please....
This month, I will be married to my soul mate for five years...whom I met online.
I was an engineer working as a contractor on an Air Force Base, she was a buyer in an independent book store. We are both homebodies and NOT into bar scenes or chatting up someone at random. There is no way we could have ever met and clicked if it weren't online. If I had ever seen her out somewhere, I would have thought "Wow, she's cute" and that would have been it. Maybe I would have thought about talking to her, but what the hell would I have said?
I was online for about eight months before we met and had many a bad date. And yeah, the online stuff can be as much as a meat market as the real world, but it does provide a tool to find someone you would otherwise never have met unless through some fortuitous random event. Not.Gonna.Happen.
So don't be ashamed, count yourself lucky that you were able to find the guy in the first place. I was a little hesitant at first, too. But you'll be surprised to know how many of us are out there. I have already met five others who met their current spouses online. Like me, it is the second marriage, and like me, this time they found the right person - online.
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Wave of the future
Yep, I met my husband of 2.5 years online too, on Match.com. I'm 36 and he will be 35 this summer. There was no other way we were going to meet, even though we only lived 20 minutes away from each other. I was commuting to NYC from central Jersey, so I was up at 5:00 a.m. and didn't get home till around 7 pm. I sure wasn't going out to clubs or anything.
Our first date was a lunch date, and I remember being pleasantly surprised that he was even cuter than his pictures! We are pretty much perfectly suited.
I'm not ashamed of it at all. It's a very efficient way to meet people you might not ordinarily come across.
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poo on any begrudgers!
LW, good for you! It's tough to find someone you really like and that is a much bigger problem for most than the how we met question. I have found most people aren't that interested, they are just making conversation when introduced to a new mate. You are a step ahead, don't look back.