Letters to the Editor
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How we met . . . (@syoung2007 and others)
I met my ex-husband through friends. I met my first serious boyfriend in college by saying "Would you like a box of animal crackers" and then having a one-night stand with him that turned into a three-year relationship. Since my divorce, I've met men on the Metro (if he asks about my knitting, I don't assume he's interested in the craft, I go into full flirt mode), at the ice rink, in the bookstore, at work, and online. Online does seem to work best, and I'm currently seeing someone monogamously if not seriously who I met through Craig's List (if you can't find it on Craig's List, you don't need it). It seems like my current guy might last longer than the couch I found on Craig's List when I moved out fast and needed some cheap furniture. If he lasts as long as the babysitter I found on Craig's List, I'll be thrilled. Either way, he's kind and attractive to me, I enjoy his company, and he apparently likes and is attracted to me.
Online works, especially once one has baggage (kids, responsibilities, tight schedules) because one can list the absolute taboos (no smokers or no-one who thinks Yanni has actual musical merit or whatever), state honestly one's own strong points and limitations, and do some general getting to know one another before spending time clearing the schedule to meet.
LW: The real question is, are you ashamed of your new friend or are you ashamed of how you met? What is actually bothering you. Figure it out and address it. Saying everyone does something doesn't make it okay (at least that's what I tell my eight-year old), but you can take comfort that there aren't many urban over-thirties in the U.S. who don't go online to get some action in some form or another at least once in a while. Come up with a funny, truthful anecdote about you and your swain. Think of fun, flattering stories to tell about him (he should do the same). I think the most amazing thing about your story is that he was your very first online date. So it really is one of those thunderbold/love at first sight stories. You had been looking and then -- wham! -- you turned this corner and there he was. And you searched no further. Flattering to him and to you. Make it funny or make it mushy, but you've got a story that will make everyone who has ever tried online dating (again, every urban or suburban adult over age 30) jealous. Ham it up.
If you can't make good news out of these nice circumstances in which you find yourself, you need to figure that out. Pessimists may be more realistic in viewing life, but optimists do have a better time. Find a way to see this 3/4 full glass as "almost full" rather than "nearly half empty."