Letters to the Editor
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Liberal Sissies
Look - be a liberal, or be a sissy, but don't be both.
If you're a liberal, then uproot the trees, and toss them at your neighbor.
If you're a sissy, don't be a liberal. We have too many sissies already.
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This letter cracks me up
The LW is obsessing over her neighbor for obsessing over her neighbor.
LW, if your "not-white" (by the way - WTF is that about?) neighbor isn't concerned about the oleanders, why are you? Your husband is right - let it go!
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It's the neighbor's decision
If you remove the oleanders without her permission, you'll be not much different from the oleander planting neighbor.
If the lady doesn't want them, by all means, help her serve the planter notice that she has to come and remove them and replant grass. But, be polite about it. The little old lady doesn't need any more animosity from the oleander planter.
As much as I like the idea of planting the hedge in the planter yard (where it belongs) and putting a junked out car and couch on your own front lawn, I don't think that will do much except up the level of tension in the neighborhood.
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Some ways to help
If you want to express your solidarity with your elderly neighbor in the face of the busybody's invasiveness, it's not necessary to rip out the oleanders. Just make a simple statement like, "She really shouldn't have done that without asking you first," and let it go. The elderly neighbor may be secretly pleased that her decrepitude will be shielded from the world, even though she would never have been able to admit it. If you truly want to help, make sure the oleanders stay trimmed. There are ways to volunteer help without embarrassing people - sounds like you need to work on that. Here are some that have worked for me:
"I'm trimming our hedges Thursday. It wouldn't be a speck of trouble to do that little bit at the edge of your house while I've already got the weed eater out. Just let me know how much to take off, I don't want to do anything you don't approve of."
"The kid who does our lawns says he'll give a discount for other houses in the neighborhood - saves him a trip out here."
Talk to her, and to her son, about the plants in the yard. Wave away any attempts on her part to apologize. Tell her she does a wonderful job considering her circumstances. What you want is to find out whether either of them is keeping the yard ratty on purpose. Older folks not only hoard INSIDE their houses, sometimes they hoard OUTSIDE their houses. It's an issue of control and security.
One of our neighbors developed similar problems with her yard in her last years. She liked having her front door completely hidden by bushes, even though it made it impossible to get in or out and was actually dangerous since one time she needed an ambulance and they were unable to find her house. She also was emotionally attached to the mess of vines and deck out back, which was infested with rats and snakes eating the rats. Something had to be done, because the rats were coming into our house, but it had to be done with sensitivity to her emotions and an effort to preserve the plants that she cared about. When we made it clear that the (terribly ratty by this time) damask roses were not going to be accidentally cut down with the rest of the weeds, and our priorities were the same as hers, she became much happier with letting us help her out.
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kjkljkd
Is the neighbor married/older than you? Tell her your Uncle Ruckus is single and that you think they'd be perfect for each other.
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Short people
I suspect that the letter came down because Cary finally saw his mingy response for what it was: a shameful refusal to acknowledge LW's right to a forthright answer. Hang your head, Cary, and see the crow on your plate.
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OMG! My Husband Is Short!
So in addition to being completely immature, self-centered, and abusive, Mrs. Short Husband is stupid too? How do you send a letter to an advice columnist and not expect that it might be reprinted? Does she think Cary does private couples counseling on the side? My guess is that she saw how shallow all of the comment-writers thought she was, freaked out, and called Salon humiliated and demanded that they take it down.
--Short wife happily married to a 5'5.5" hot hubby.
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Why mention colour?
I'm just wondering why the LW needed to mention that the neighbor was not white? I can understand why there was a mention of financial status and infirmity, as it explains why the neighbour cannot keep up her house, but I do not understand why skin tone was included. Why correlate the elderly neighbour's racial profile with the appearance of her home? Why assume someone else is?
If the neighbour was white, would you have written this letter? Same house, same age, same infirmities -- would you have written the letter? I doubt it; you'd have assumed the woman and her son capable of making their own decisions instead of infantilizing them.
Ask your neighbours if they want the plants. If not, ask if they'd like assistance removing them. That's the neighborly thing to do. And then you should sit back and take a long, hard look at the extent of your own racial stereotyping and the extent to which you project it unto others.
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short people
yesterday's letter was hilarious. if you missed it, please have a listen to rufus wainright's song about short people. ("short people have no reason to live.") and imagine a cary tennis twist on it...
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way too much time on my hands...
"Short People" is by Randy Newman, not Rufus Wainright.
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And what about the gardener?
It's not the lady across the street who is actually doing the trespassing, it's the guy she hired to do her trespassing for her.
Does he even know he is doing unauthorized planting of toxic plants...?
Maybe he is operating under the assumption the elderly house owner has given her permission, and would be very unhappy to find out otherwise.
If revenge is what the LW wants, a little messing with the employer/hired hand relationship might be the soothing balm she seeks.