Letters to the Editor
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Or maybe her squat man is one of the thousands of readers here on Salon and she didn't want to hurt him.
Then why did she send the letter to Cary to start with?
She thought she was going to get sympathy but then had poster's remorse when she read the resonse revealing how shallow she is. She was able to nag and manipulate Cary to remove the letter (more luck than she's had with her husband).
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Yesterday's Letter
I too was disappointed to see it removed....mostly because I wanted to thank Cary Tennis for making my morning. He simply held up the mirror to this woman and allowed her to draw her own conclusions. While it may have hurt her feelings, I didn't find it mean or offensive. Sometimes we need the equivalent of a slap in the face to see ourselves objectively....And yes, our actions have consequences. She chose to get married...we reap what we sow.
As for the oleanders....I'd advise the LW to continue to engage her neighbor (the elderly one with the upkeep issue) as a friend/neighbor. Should a hard core conversation involving the shrubberies occur and both parties agree that they don't belong where they are, I'd suggest either selling the plants and using the proceeds to pay for a cleaning service (even if it's only a one or two time deal) and/or assisting her in relocating the plants to a more ideal location.
I now have this image of the neighbor across the street subsidizing the other neighbors housekeeping by replanting shrubs, at her expense, that the neighbor then sells.
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Yesterday's Letter
I too was disappointed to see it removed....mostly because I wanted to thank Cary Tennis for making my morning. He simply held up the mirror to this woman and allowed her to draw her own conclusions. While it may have hurt her feelings, I didn't find it mean or offensive. Sometimes we need the equivalent of a slap in the face to see ourselves objectively....And yes, our actions have consequences. She chose to get married...we reap what we sow.
As for the oleanders....I'd advise the LW to continue to engage her neighbor (the elderly one with the upkeep issue) as a friend/neighbor. Should a hard core conversation involving the shrubberies occur and both parties agree that they don't belong where they are, I'd suggest either selling the plants and using the proceeds to pay for a cleaning service (even if it's only a one or two time deal) and/or assisting her in relocating the plants to a more ideal location.
I now have this image of the neighbor across the street subsidizing the other neighbors housekeeping by replanting shrubs, at her expense, that the neighbor then sells.
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Appy polly loggies
I don't believe my previous post was so good that it warrants being read twice.....sorry to have spazzed and double clicked the Publish button.
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outrageous
Consider this scenario: Who would be liable if a loose child came wandering over & accidently became poisoned by this shrub? The elderly neighbor, or the busybody who ordered her gardener to do the plantings? The elderly neighbor, I suppose, since they're on her property. That's a good enough reason as any to get the oleanders removed ASAP, send the bitch the bill for professional removal if it's too much to do it on your own, LW. And I can't understand for the life of me why this obnoxious woman's hare-brained gardener would even consider doing the plantings on someone else's property without getting consent from the property owner FIRST. Have I missed something?
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Love the planeted oleanders? Itch to bomb Iran? Think Rev. Wright should be shot?
Cary's labeling of LW's concern as "charming", followed by his postulating an absurd response, only to point out its absurdity, is deft parody. His send-up of a callous elitism falls a bit flat, however, when he dismisses an actual crime as "class warfare". Karl Rove, who invented the phrase, wouldn't go that far. For all the beauty they might bring, should the encroached-upon victim of criminal-theft-of-use of her property live so long, they'll always be a bigger stick-in-the-eye for their humiliating, cruel message. I'd advise LW to approach the neighbor and offer to dig them up. If the neighbor does demure, as she likely will, having lived long enough to put plants in perspective, at least she knows she can depend on one neighbor to respect not just her but human decency and the law.
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A variety of hilarious alternatives
Although first I'd like to point out that I don't think the LW meant anything personally racist by noting that the elderly neighbor isn't white, when most of the gentrifiers are. I think she meant (or what I would have meant if I'd written it) is that in addition to feeling oppressed because she can't keep her yard up, and because she has a sick son, she may feel oppressed because she rightly knows that here in the good ol' US of A, sometimes white, richer people either look down on or pity poorer non-white people. It's a shocker, I know...
Anyway I completely agree with the person who said just keep the oleanders trimmed so the "offending" house is still in view. Creepy neighbor can do a lot of things, but she can't plant an untrimmable hedge. Even better, let them grow, then carve out a circle so it frames the view of the house as seen from creepy neighbor's house.
But I have to disagree with the person who said to merely plant zucchini seeds on creepy neighbor's lawn. Not that I'm advocating illegal activities...because that would be w-r-o-n-g, but what would really be funny is to find (somewhere?) some pot seeds, stick them in a hedge or rose bush on creepy neighbor's property, where they can grow to recognizable size without being obvious -- THEN call the cops.
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What's the Actual Problem?
LW is apparently miffed that Nasty Neighbor (NN) has tread (LW assumes) on Elderly Non-White (ugh!) Neighbor (ENWN)'s toes. Meanwhile, ENWN has pretty much rejected all "help" offered - except tree-trimming of a tree reaching into LW's yard, presumably because (1) ENWN is ruggedly independent (y'know, stereotypically American, ethnic or not), or (2) the offers of "help" are offensive or overreaching.
LW: whose ox is being gored here? Does ENWN want your help (doesn't look like it on the information presented)? Invite ENWN over for cookies and tea, on the porch, and just plain old ask her. Not just "Is NN bothering you?", but "Am I bothering you?" You might try the old chestnut: "I'm thinking of my [mother/grandmother/neighbor-lady from my childhood] and I want to be a good neighbor to you. I don't want to overreach or offend." Then tread very, very carefully.
By all means, pick fights with NN -- I'm sure she lives for that stuff. Start by painting your house turquoise and definitely invest in garden gnomes. Do car repairs slowly, by hand, in the front yard. Not really though. There's enough trouble in this world, don't borrow any.
Maybe the best thing you can do for ENWN is to invite her over for tea and cookies (or a backyard cookout or whatever works) and include her in your circle. Befriend the ill son. If you don't try to run their lives, these two might actually let you in a bit.
But if ENWN doesn't have a problem with NN, don't make sure she has one. Sometimes stirring the pot is just stirring the pot. And yeah, you need a couch on your porch. Everyone does. They've got 'em for free on Freecycle, so go grab one.