Letters to the Editor
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I don't understand
Why the LW says there isn't much they can do about the neighbor's upkeep? How bad could it be? Some trimming, fertilizing, edging and mowing? It might not end up the best yard in the neighborhood, but it would be acceptable and not embarass the owner. Why can't she enlist the asshole neighbor and others to help with the upkeep? If her elderly neighbor keeps apologizing, she must be willing to accept a little yard assistance and wish it wasn't the way it currently is. Frankly I am capable of and in fact do all of my yard work, but would be thrilled if someone offered to take it over.
Maybe the house itself has too many issues for the neighborhood to take on, but the yard? Pitch in, fertilize it when you do your own, mow it when you do your own, add some shrubs or whatever plantings the owner likes - as long as you include her in the deicision, put your energy into HELPING. Otherwise, mind your own business COMPLETELY.
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Here's what I'd do
As far as I see it, you have two goals:
1. Show support and respect for neighbor 1.
2. Preserve neighborhood harmony. Because, really, as much fun as it would be to put couches and tires all over your lawn and pour bleach on the oleanders and some on Neighbor 2's lawn as well for good measure, is warfare really in anyone's best interest? It seems like this is likely to just escalate--to make Neighbor 2 hate Neighbor 1 even more.
So to pursue these two goals, here's what I suggest:
First, I would write a hand-written note to neighbor 2. I would make it very honest, but avoid the vitriol. For example, I would say things like, "I understand you thought you were acting in the best interest of the neighborhood. But I don't think you considered that Neighbor 1 is also part of our neighborhood." I would make it very clear that you do not in any way support her actions, but at the same time, I would try to reach out and show some understanding. You might think, "That busybody snob! Why would I give her that respect?" Well, maybe she doesn't really deserve it, but you have to live with her and Neighbor 1 has to live her, so it seems more effective to try to get her to your side, rather than make her an enemy. I might even go so far as to end the note with something like, "If you'd like to get coffee and discuss this further, I'd be happy to." Neighbor 1 sounds like a jerk, but perhaps she's a jerk just out of ignorance and perhaps you can enlighten her.
Second, I would invite Neighbor 1 and her son over for dinner (or for tea or a football game or movie or whatever--some social event that involves talking). I agree with those commenters who say that your actions are also smacking of condescension. I think if you got to know Neighbors 1 better, you would be acting more out of concern for them as people, rather than as poor minorities. And I think they would feel more comfortable accepting or asking for your help if they thought of you as friends, rather than as people who simply pity them. Hey, maybe if you befriend both 1 and 2, you can have a neighborhood barbecue or something of the sort, and 1 and 2 could become friends as well, and then all will get along and be happy.
And one last note: some have remarked on Cary's assuming the woman supports Obama. I think what Cary is saying there is not "Well, even if the woman's life is difficult, at least she can be happy her chosen political candidate is doing well" but rather something like "Whatever her political views, I think she could be happy at the fact that America is finally moving to a place where a black man has a legitimate chance at becoming president." In other words, I don't think Cary is assuming her political position at all. Even those of us who don't like Condaleeza Rice's politics, for example, can still find it heartening that it's now possible for a black woman to rise to such a high political position.
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I, too, demand yesterday's column
I couldn't believe what an outrageously good topic it was. A short man! You must repost it.
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On Yesterday's Letter
Heron23 asked: 'Please put it back. My mom left on a trip yesterday, and probably didn't get a chance to read it. I'm dying to discuss how you answered the letter with her when she gets back!'
Can't you just recap the letter & Cary's response verbally to your mother?
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Oleanders are not nice neighborhood plants
Oleanders are used on highspeed freeways as natural traffic barriers that, I suspect, are tougher than steel barriers. They're highly poisonous. While large numbers of them in bloom can be pretty, they take up huge amounts of room. On normal neighborhood lots (less than an acre with houses set back less than 100'), they are very obnoxious as screens. I've never seen them used along the front of a property not on a highway; neighborhood plantings are always along the side of the house as a means of getting around the 8' limits on privacy fences.
But one thing oleanders are is cheap. A neighbor planting them on my yard would be taken as nothing less than an extreme insult and an intentional display of disrespect. Even if I felt the oleanders should stay, I'd have to deal with the disrespectful neighbor. One good scare or upset would typically be enough.
OTOH, maybe the old lady and her hospital-visiting son have other issues and priorities. Maybe those issues dwarf the petty neighbor's issues and her antics. And, so, they let the smaller oleander thing lie. If this is the case, a "helpful" neighbor that forces them to take up the petty neighbor stuff isn't being a help no matter how good their intentions.
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Block meeting?!
Let's get more people involved and talking about the poor, elderly, "not white" neighbor who has so far, said "no thank you" to the LW's offers. Lordy.
About the taken-down letter, I don't think Cary would remove a letter due to his own regret at how he answered it. Doesn't he seem much more the type to include an intro in the next column examining in great detail what he may have been feeling that day, etc.? His letter was kind of awesome, too. I don't buy that the LW thought the letter she wrote to Cary was not meant for publication, though. Like he's a private counselor on the side? Come on. Probably she freaked out afterward and that was her story. Or maybe it's something totally different. But let's resist the artifice and talk about shallow women and short men all over again!