Letters to the Editor
-
Here's what I'd do
As far as I see it, you have two goals:
1. Show support and respect for neighbor 1.
2. Preserve neighborhood harmony. Because, really, as much fun as it would be to put couches and tires all over your lawn and pour bleach on the oleanders and some on Neighbor 2's lawn as well for good measure, is warfare really in anyone's best interest? It seems like this is likely to just escalate--to make Neighbor 2 hate Neighbor 1 even more.
So to pursue these two goals, here's what I suggest:
First, I would write a hand-written note to neighbor 2. I would make it very honest, but avoid the vitriol. For example, I would say things like, "I understand you thought you were acting in the best interest of the neighborhood. But I don't think you considered that Neighbor 1 is also part of our neighborhood." I would make it very clear that you do not in any way support her actions, but at the same time, I would try to reach out and show some understanding. You might think, "That busybody snob! Why would I give her that respect?" Well, maybe she doesn't really deserve it, but you have to live with her and Neighbor 1 has to live her, so it seems more effective to try to get her to your side, rather than make her an enemy. I might even go so far as to end the note with something like, "If you'd like to get coffee and discuss this further, I'd be happy to." Neighbor 1 sounds like a jerk, but perhaps she's a jerk just out of ignorance and perhaps you can enlighten her.
Second, I would invite Neighbor 1 and her son over for dinner (or for tea or a football game or movie or whatever--some social event that involves talking). I agree with those commenters who say that your actions are also smacking of condescension. I think if you got to know Neighbors 1 better, you would be acting more out of concern for them as people, rather than as poor minorities. And I think they would feel more comfortable accepting or asking for your help if they thought of you as friends, rather than as people who simply pity them. Hey, maybe if you befriend both 1 and 2, you can have a neighborhood barbecue or something of the sort, and 1 and 2 could become friends as well, and then all will get along and be happy.
And one last note: some have remarked on Cary's assuming the woman supports Obama. I think what Cary is saying there is not "Well, even if the woman's life is difficult, at least she can be happy her chosen political candidate is doing well" but rather something like "Whatever her political views, I think she could be happy at the fact that America is finally moving to a place where a black man has a legitimate chance at becoming president." In other words, I don't think Cary is assuming her political position at all. Even those of us who don't like Condaleeza Rice's politics, for example, can still find it heartening that it's now possible for a black woman to rise to such a high political position.

