Letters to the Editor
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Do you have a neighborhood association?
LW's neighborhood sounds similar to the neighborhood my husband and I live in, so I would like to offer a suggestion that worked really well for some of our elderly neighbors (most of the neighbors are either under 40 or over 70).
Our neighborhood is an older one that younger people are starting to move into and fix up, although it is still very much multi-ethnic. And people seem to be decidedly non-snobby, for the most part.
We have an active neighborhood association that put together groups of volunteers to help some of our elderly friends with lawn care and routine maintenance on their homes. Each group works one or two Saturday mornings a month mowing lawns, trimming hedges, painting, or otherwise helping out those who have trouble taking care of their homes by themselves. Some of the older people were a little embarassed at first, but they came to really appreciate the help. And - we all know each other a little better now. The lawns aren't all perfectly manicured, but - who cares?! They're no longer overgrown and wild.
Try getting together a group of neighborhood volunteers to occasionally help out *all* the older residents who need assistance - that way, this one neighbor won't feel as if she's being singled out. She could take you up on the offer to help without feeling so embarassed. And, she clearly needs some help. There are serious safety risks associated with poorly maintained homes. Overgrown lawns and hedges can become fire hazards pretty quickly, and yards/houses littered with junk - or in a state of general disrepair - can put your elderly friend at risk of falling or injuring herself. If this neighbor won't accept help from younger neighbors, you may need to contact a social worker.
The flower-planting neighbor has issues, and should be told in no uncertain terms that she's tresspassing as well as being over-the-top rude. She should also be told that if she tries anything like that again, LW or her husband will call the police. And if the older neighbor doesn't like the oleanders, have them removed and send nosy lady the bill.