Letters to the Editor
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Uh oh
Do you or your husband realize the kind of liability you are setting yourself up for? This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Your husband needs to put a stop to this immediately.
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We Have A Pool, Too...
...and my husband is expansive with people. He's from a family that enjoyed togetherness much more than mine did; he used to love to stay in hostels when he traveled; he always regretted not having lived in dorms when he went to college.
I, on the other hand, need solitude on a regular basis--and I need it as much as I need my husband's sunny, expansive character in my life.
We understand each other, which is good.
When we first moved to the House With A Pool, our friends came to swim frequently, and except for One Person, no one took advantage. All was groovy, just like the Si & Gar song. That is, until my husband and I ended up having a rather bitter quarrel about that One Person, whom we finally discovered in the pool with children from her family and their friends one Sunday when we came home from church. Said pal (I should say former pal) was sipping white wine, and hence was happy and a little tipsy and the kids were diving and screaming and all I could think of was the lawsuit we'd have if anyone were injured.
You really, really need to take a look at just how ruinous such lawsuits can be. I did. They can cost you your house and pool, and just because someone is a dear friend or a family member does NOT mean that they won't sue you.
So my husband and I had a fight, and we almost never have fights. And we lost a friend, and we had to lock up the pool, which legally we have to do where we live anyway. It sucked. Sometimes you have to get people angry with you, though, and that's all there is to it. Things did really work out for the best, though.
It turns out that the Former Pal took such offense at not being able to swim whenever she wanted to that she said some pretty awful things about me to my husband. My husband, a loving and loyal soul, saw the Former Pal for what she was, and realized his liability in the situation. Anyone who would turn on him that way would CERTAINLY sue if she were injured in our pool. He apologized to me. And life goes on, lawsuit-free.
Anyone who cannot accept house rules around the use of a swimming pool doesn't deserve to use the swimming pool. And sometimes, a good old-fashioned argument clears the air. I suggest clearing the air--and the pool.
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Do you love "Since You Asked?" Well, since you asked, NO!
Gary Tennis once again proves he's the lamest, most pointlessly self-absorbed "advice columnist" in the business...
But really, this is more the kind of thing somebody like Miss Manners would be good at. It concerns the rules that we assume others live by or should live by. I don't think much of those rules. I am for a world in which anyone might say anything, a world full of hot springs and geysers where you never know exactly when steam is going to erupt out of the earth, where people say what is bothering them and ask for what they want, and sometimes the unexpected happens.
Really? You'd say this despite the obvious fact that so many problems are needlessly caused by ignorance or misunderstanding of rules of conduct, if not outright disregard for such rules? I guess if we all respected a reasonable set of rules, "advice columnists" like you would get less work, eh?
I am less interested in the rules that we live by than I am in the rules that govern our living...
And the important difference is...?
And no, cherrypicking the most idiotic problems does NOT make you look more intelligent. Especially when your respondents give better advice than you do. How much do you get paid for the work we do for you?
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Use the FLAG, Luke!
Here's what we did when we had exactly the same situation:
Tell Cuz that you've been having a hard time with getting any privacy in your pool. Do NOT single her out as a problem. Imply that everyone else has been doing the same thing. Tell her (and everyone else) that you have a special flag you will fly when it is fine to come and use the pool. When that flag is flying, feel free to stop on in and swim. If it is not flying, please do not disturb. Of course, you could make a special flag for when you want privacy instead. YOU decide. take control back without any confrontation, singling out, or hurt feelings. If you need to, you and hubby can do the old "wink wink, nudge nudge" routine. Hey, you can't have a tryst in the pool if Cuz's kids are going to be doing cannonballs next to you! Seriously. this worked GREAT for us and got us out of the same situation. A flag mounted on the pool gate, visible from the road, was very easy to use.
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Open your mouth
Just tell the cousin what is acceptable. Your husband clearly enjoys being able to offer this benefit to his cousin and her kids. It's nice that your kids have cousins to play with. On the other hand, they're driving you crazy. It's too much.
So... open your mouth and ask for what you want. Tell the cousin that you need more structure in your life. (You can even be cute and tell her it's because you're sort of neurotic. "I know, it's sort of weird, but I just really need a schedule and structure. I'm just like that. Thank you for being understanding and dealing with it.") Then schedule one day a week when they can come over and your husband can be there to supervise. Then you leave and enjoy a nice quiet time at the bookstore or the coffee shop.
Put a lock on the pool the rest of the time. If you find out that she's been jumping the fence, call the police by "mistake." "Whoops. I thought it was some stranger breaking into my backyard."