Letters to the Editor
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some possibilites
(1) install one of those intestine-sucking drains
(2) toss in a color TV or toaster, then plug it in
(3) unwrap and toss in a Baby Ruth bar, leave it floating in the pool (see Caddyshack)
(4) drain the pool for a week and tell her there's a leak, and that you don't know when it will be fixed
(5) install a water chiller and keep the temperature at about 50F
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She IS taking advantage
"Come over any time" means you don't mind if they stop by now and then. It doesn't mean "Come over ever day and spend every afternoon at my place". When you say, "Drop in any time", you usually assume they are going to come over once a twice a week, tops. You don't assume they're moving in. So the letter writer is correct to be upset.
However, the cousin isn't trying to upset her on purpose, she's just a bit clueless.
So how about something like this, "Hey, Cousin Jane, you know we're happy to have you over, but it was a little awkward when I was in the middle of the dinner party. Would you mind calling ahead so we can let you know if it's a bad time? I'd hate for you to drive all the way over and then have me tell you it is a bad time."
If you're properly apologetic, she won't be upset. Your awkward party gives you the perfect excuse. I agree the husband should do it, but if he doesn't, you go right ahead.
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Yes, he told her she could use it, but . . .
The cousin is being a total ass. Who goes to use another's pool and just jumps in when they have company there? Who tells the owner it is their pool? The cousin is a bitch. LW's husband is an ass. LW should quit trying to get her husband to take her side and just tell the cousin herself that she is no longer welcome at her pool. If she says "but your husband said it was OK", LW should just respond "not anymore."
There is no reason why LW's husband should side with his extended family over his wife's wishes, let alone her comfort level, privacy, etc. If the husband fights her on this, she should dump his ass, throw him out and keep the house and pool.
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You need a few nudist friends. Preferably ugly.
Invite a bunch of adults (fair, fat & over forty) for a nude swim party on a weekend when you just know she'll pop over unannounced with her kids. From that point on, it going to be her idea to call before coming over.
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"Coupons"
To the LW:
Use your computer to make up a batch of official looking "coupons" that each entitle the bearer to one use of the pool. Make perhaps ten of these and make a big deal out of giving them to this cousin as a gift. Throw in a little fanfare. "I'm giving you TEN WHOLE VISITS to my pool to use anytime!" Witnesses to "ooo" and "ahhh" might be helpful here.
Make a show of enforcing the use of the coupons. You might even include a "schedule ahead" provision in text on the coupons as well.
Now instead of this cousin potentially being there EVERY NIGHT for an entire pool season, you'll have to deal with her ten times maximum.
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Sure-fire way to keep her from ever coming back
Go to your nearest big wholesale store and buy two or three industrial-sized containers of vegetable oil.
Put the oil in a bucket next to the pool.
When you see the cousin pulling into the driveway, run out to the pool and just dump the bucket into it.
The oil will sit atop the water, and besides looking gross and nasty, if the cousin actually swims in the water, she'll be covered with oil by the time she gets out. She'll never, ever want to use your pool again.
Okay, maybe that's not such a great idea.
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The cousin his *hardly* a victim of double-speak
Anyone with a shred of social acumen would know *NOT* to use the pool when your host has guests over! Come ON! So someone said the words "use the pool any time" -- would anyone with anything resembling a grain of common sense actually jump into a pool that doesn't belong to them while the pool owner is entertaining guests? Really?
Give me a fucking break. The husband overreached in his invitation (and I do get the notion of not wanting to offend the aunt and uncle, I come from a family where we conjure social slights out of whole cloth and invent grudges for sport), but the cousin is totally over the line in her creative interpretation of appropriate "guest" behavior.
Too late now, but when she showed up while you had guests you should have blocked her entrance and said "I'm sorry, we have guests here tonight. Another time perhaps." and left it at that.
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LW: Use the Insurance Gambit
Just tell your cuz that you heard/read/saw on Oprah some family who lost their house because of being sued over injury/death/dismemberment caused by unsupervised pool use and ask them to either sign a waiver (have one drawn up by a lawyer) or wait until you're home to use the pool. Tell her it's nothing personal and that you've asked other people in the neighborhood to sign one.
Failing that, use the Caddyshack gambit - toss a Baby Ruth in the pool whenever you're not home.
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LW, it's up to you
I haven't even read the other letters, but there is one detail that stood out like a neon Santa Claus to this hyper paranoid pool owner: your relative has access to your pool when you are not there. This is an absolute non-starter and should be changed for basic safety and liability reasons. Whether you leave the gate unlocked or your relative does, there is a decent chance some child will wonder into your yard and drown in your pool. It also means, for instance, that your relative and her children might use the pool after it has been chemically treated and not safe to enter. You, LW, and not your cousin, will be liable for these unfortunate occurrences.
Put a lock on your gate so that no one can use the pool without your permission. You don't even have to announce a different policy, just start telling your cousin that "now is not a good time" when she comes by and tries to gain access to the pool. Bottom line: Right now, all the burden is on you to tell her to get out. You have to shift that burden so that she has to ask. For this, you need a locked door and a reasonably firm attitude.